Today, my boyfriend decided to use glow-in-the-dark body paint to make an arrow on his stomach pointing down. I guess he thought he'd "spice up" the way he always demands a blow job before sex. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend proposed by painting his chest with "marry me?" and an arrow going down. The ring was attached to his penis with a string. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend ate glitter. When I asked him why he would do such an insane thing, he replied, "I wanted my jizz to sparkle." FML
Today, I waked in on my boyfriend and his best friend playing "Dick Wars" while wearing glow in the dark condoms. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said it "turns him on." FML
Today, in an attempt to spice things up a bit, my boyfriend and I discovered he takes it in the butt better than I do. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Today, my boyfriend did the Austin Powers dance/strip-tease while dancing to 'I Touch Myself'. It was cute until he ripped off his shirt and revealed that he'd shaved his chest hair in the shape of a penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to show off one of his favorite skills: Peeing on my ceiling. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML
Today, I dyed my hair blonde for my boyfriend, hoping it would help spice up our sex life. His response? It's still a few shades off from his favorite porn star. FML
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Top comments
ElainaCutsYou 0
Better follow the directions
flockz 20
considerate sex? WTF are you talking about?!?! bf- "may i please stick my willy in you now?" gf-"yes but remember to keep all your clothing on and go slowly so i you don't hurt me." bf- "ok but can i slap your gluteus maximus as well?" gf- " no tht would be inconsiderate for me and my skin. oh and by the way, if you cum before i do, i'm going to dump you for being so inconsiderate." no do you realizehow stupi your comment was?
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Comments (185)
Carriiee_fml 3
Threaten To Leave Him, Then You'll Get What You Want ;)
hunnibunnz 13
you deserve it if you don't agree you should suck it before you **** it.
Monkeydj2 1
Why in the world would somebody want to have sex with the ugliest person on the planet
MROMRO 0
I'm going to steal his idea
unillenium 6
YDI for making foreplay sound like some sort of terrible burden.
eshajamila 2
LOL that's some shit. at least he's being honest.
Silence129 0
Um he's your boyfriend. Your fault for staying with him
vbmg152 19
My ex-husband used to demand that, too! One night I told him that I was gonna cut it off with scissors! I was kidding but, he didn't sleep for 2 months because he was afraid I'd do it! Ha ha! That was 30 years ago! It's still funny! YDI for putting up with his demands!
jetsticks 0
Do the same with a set of lips and an arrow pointing to your ass.
Barrbarian 0
YDI for being such a pushover.