Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML
Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML
Today, my daughter turned up at my house because her boyfriend kicked her out. I rang him and it turns out his love and affection and even the time he spent getting to know her kids wasn’t enough for her, my daughter just had to throw it all away by sucking her coworker's dick in her boyfriend's bed. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
Today, I caught my 20 year old daughter having sex with my best friend's husband. Apparently it's my fault for coming home early. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, after I grounded my barely 18 year-old daughter for having sex with her boyfriend when I found a pack of condoms in her room while cleaning it, she responded by moving out and eloping with him. FML
Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML
Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML
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Top comments
Krirn 21
Isn't that punishment enough?
ilikebikes7 3
Poor Thomas.
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Comments (321)
Despereaux 15
How awkward would it be if thomas read this..
MrThumbsItUpMan 8
I'm pretty sure if someone ****** her at 14 years old, that would be known as rape or molestation of some kind because no kid at 14 would have sex until the age of 18 and older
inarsla 8
Depends on the area and it's age of consent laws. Most places have allowances for different age groups which get wider the closer you are to the age of consent. The age of consent just means it becomes a free-for-all for anyone above that age. Below the age, it's legal to have sex within your age range. If she had sex with another 14-ish-year-old, it's perfectly legal and normal.
nahbean13 3
I wouldn't say it's "normal," legal or not. And that's assuming Thomas was also 14. And if they're in an area where the age of consent is 15 or older, it's legally rape regardless of how old Thomas is.
XxGAMERxWOLFxX 1
"I agree, your daughter sucks."
inarsla 8
These comments make me sad. This did not happen in the US. This happened in a country with much more reasonable drinking and consent laws. Drinking at 14 to that extent? maybe not ideal, but definitely nothing horrific. Sex at 14? is that really surprising? People start having sex once they hit puberty, or a bit after... Really, just look up north a bit at Canada, the average age to start being sexually active for females is reported to be around 13. I see nothing here to be ashamed of besides the fact that she thought she had to fake an ******. That'll not be a help for either her nor Thomas. All these people acting surprised or thinking that nobody would dare have sex until the US's unusually high age of consent really needs to stop posting, and look at the world around them.
redmane 21
I developed when I was 9 and I hit puberty at 11. Being sexually active at puberty would not have been too great for me. I started at 14/15. I agree with you completely. Just giving another viewpoint.
ViviMage 40
Get the kid a BAC for blood alcohol, arrest the party person that gave her that and sue for the child's lost virginty. Least here in the US the legal age to drink is 21
inarsla 8
note: most countries don't have nearly as strict laws for drinking, and 21 is insanely high, outmatched only by countries that ban alcohol altogether.
redmane 21
Sue for child's lost virginity? She's 14, not 10. It didn't seem like she did it unwillingly. I could see the point with that but it was willing.
Epikouros 32
Congratulations, you can stop worrying about whether you'll be getting grandchildren.
hannnahmarie 14
What the hell? When I was 14 I was clueless about that kind of stuff, and I wouldn't even think about partying
inarsla 8
Then you lived a very sad, sheltered life.
razbery_nerd 4
Yay for Thomas! Except for the small dick thing..
inarsla 8
The small penis isn't ideal, but it isn't really a problem. So long as it is long enough to penetrate (over 1/2 inch), it can function well enough to give most females an ******... and if not, he needs to learn how to please them in other ways. The part of this story that makes me sad is that she felt she had to fake an ******. Doing so will only slow his ability to learn how to please his partners, and does nothing for her.
doLLe 21
I just love that many americans can't understand that not alle countries have the same insane alcohol laws, and dumb morals
barefootchic 6
"Dumb morals." That's sad but it also made me laugh.
alexstylespayne 6
You raised your child right