Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML
Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML
Today, my daughter turned up at my house because her boyfriend kicked her out. I rang him and it turns out his love and affection and even the time he spent getting to know her kids wasn’t enough for her, my daughter just had to throw it all away by sucking her coworker's dick in her boyfriend's bed. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
Today, I caught my 20 year old daughter having sex with my best friend's husband. Apparently it's my fault for coming home early. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, after I grounded my barely 18 year-old daughter for having sex with her boyfriend when I found a pack of condoms in her room while cleaning it, she responded by moving out and eloping with him. FML
Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML
Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML
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Top comments
Krirn 21
Isn't that punishment enough?
ilikebikes7 3
Poor Thomas.
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Comments (321)
tintaroja 14
14 years old and already faking orgasms??? Not a very bright future for her!
gamino 3
She's 14 years old...wow great parenting
Bubbe999 7
As others have said this OP is from Denmark, where there is no legal limit for when you're allowed to drink, only when you can purchase alcohol - at age 16. The drinking culture in Denmark is very special - try to google it. Also, the age for when you can legally have sex is 15, and the average dane loses their virginity at age 16-17. Just because Denmark has other rules and a different culture in some ways, it doesn't mean that it's worse.
jujubunni5 9
I would call Thomas and also inform his parents. If he is also 14 they will have some issues. If he's significantly older then your daughter might need more then a smack across the face
dodson1983 1
Why would you even post this?
SilverFoxx 19
I can't believe this, what is the world coming to?
aerogxt 7
Ooo already on the naughty list for next year. Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is your list of naughty girls.
simoncat 11
Wow. Time for some serious Tough Love. You blew it as a parent. Better make an effort to curb her behavior. She's headed for a lot of trouble.
TimmaysRoXy 9
U r a shitty parent!! Beat her ass!!
ardencred 7
Yes mom, you need to tell her to check the package before sitting on it
CarouselHeart 11
REALLY? Some people are saying "beat her ass"? What the hell would that accomplish, aside from making her act out even more.
MrsAlexander83 10
Laying down some laws wouldn't hurt.