Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML
Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML
Today, my daughter turned up at my house because her boyfriend kicked her out. I rang him and it turns out his love and affection and even the time he spent getting to know her kids wasn’t enough for her, my daughter just had to throw it all away by sucking her coworker's dick in her boyfriend's bed. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
Today, I caught my 20 year old daughter having sex with my best friend's husband. Apparently it's my fault for coming home early. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, after I grounded my barely 18 year-old daughter for having sex with her boyfriend when I found a pack of condoms in her room while cleaning it, she responded by moving out and eloping with him. FML
Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML
Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML
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Top comments
Krirn 21
Isn't that punishment enough?
ilikebikes7 3
Poor Thomas.
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Comments (321)
desertlovebird 11
Well I guess this is not the merry Christmas you where hoping for. Guess some better door locks are on the list.
kemando 22
...14? Brb commiting suicide
ErinBaby33 6
What kind of parent are you to let your 14 year old drink, party and have sex? That's not right at all
iwadasn 33
Which part of "sneaking out of the house" confused you?
jujubunni5 9
I would call Thomas and also inform his parents. If he is also 14 they will have some issues. If he's significantly older then your daughter might need more then a smack across the face
hillorie 14
Who raised her?
lexieB2014 19
When i was 14 the last thingi was thinking about is sex smh
MikeFoxtrot01594 11
???????
lmbachman 23
It's all about the parenting.
Ozxkar 6
I don't want to be around you. FYL. Poor kid!!!
coach25 5
Sounds like she has had experience with a wide variety if she can differentiate penis size ! Just saying.
douchebag232 2
Hey man. Thomas had a "white" christmas thats forsurexD no seriously though. Poor guy. Genetics werent kind to him xD