Today, after a late night at a bar, I stepped into my building's elevator with a Chinese man who was carrying a plastic bag. Without thinking, I said, "Oooh, are you still delivering?" His response was, "I live here." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at my apartment complex, I was carrying a bag of trash up to the dumpster. A guy stopped his car and helped me carry it the rest of the way. I thanked him and he asked me out. I explained that I was married. He grabbed the trash bag and carried it back to my apartment. FML
Today, I got into an elevator with a really hunky guy. We exchanged polite greetings, then, for some reason, I tried to break the silence by saying, "Nice weather today, huh?" He nodded, but then I awkwardly continued, “Too bad we’re stuck in here.” He gave me a confused look as the doors opened right on cue. FML
Today, while in the elevator with the girl from my office that I've been crushing on, but never spoken to, I said "aren't elevators awkward?" After a long silence, she got off three floors before our office. FML
Today, I got into an elevator with a stranger. The silence was so awkward that I muttered, “Sometimes I pretend I’m on a reality show.” The stranger just stared at me until the doors opened. We work on the same floor. FML
Today, I was home alone in the dark and I heard the doorbell ring. I didn't know who it was so I didn't answer. They kept ringing, so I got a bit scared and called the police. When the police showed up, they told me it was a Chinese delivery guy with the wrong address. FML
Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML
Today, I ordered enough takeout for 3 people. When the delivery guy smiled and asked, "Family dinner?" I panicked and said, "They're parking." Even though I know that the delivery guy doesn't really give a shit, I stood outside my apartment for 5 minutes pretending to wait for imaginary relatives before going back inside alone. FML
Today, my apartment building finally fixed our broken intercom. A few hours later, I buzzed in a food delivery driver while trying to reject a spam call. He wandered the building for 15 min, knocking on random doors before finding me. Three neighbors now think I order tacos under a fake name. FML
Today, a door-to-door salesman came to my apartment. I was too lazy to change from my teddy bear print pajamas, fuzzy socks and pink slippers when opening the door to him. He took one look at me and asked, "Hello darling, are your mommy and daddy home?" I'm 22 and live here on my own. FML
Today, I was going to work and got in the elevator. I was going through my bag for my phone and asked the man in the elevator to push the button for me. He gave me a look of death before I realized he had no arms. FML
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Top comments
lollercoaster 0
im Chinese. i used to work in a Chinese restaurant. i loved this fml. if i were that Asian man in the elevator, i would have been highly amused. laugh a little, people. the world needs it.
eddiesuniverse 5
beyond hilarious
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Comments (35)
eddiesuniverse 5
beyond hilarious
theWalrus_fml 0
Get off your high horse, T. You come off as more ignorant and painfully self-righteous than anyone on here. There is a very big difference between racism and stereotyping. They derive from the same thing but they range in severity, and it is certainly not racist to unconsciously and mistakenly assume that an Asian man holding a plastic bag is a delivery man for an Asian restaurant. Where I live, the only Chinese restaurant that delivers only has one Chinese deliveryman. You don't know her situation. Don't waste your time assuming things about other people. You have your own problems to worry about.
tifferneelee 0
should have asked where he parked his rickshaw ya racist and carlos mencia is a terrible comedian.
lollercoaster 0
im Chinese. i used to work in a Chinese restaurant. i loved this fml. if i were that Asian man in the elevator, i would have been highly amused. laugh a little, people. the world needs it.
lolPayal17 0
You guys are acting too modest. You know you have done/thought something like this before!
OMGobstoppers 0
wow... racist (no offense)
redbluegreen 41
Um, I don't know about you, but my mommah taught me to think before I speak. I wouldn't even ask a guy in a take-out uniform if where he worked was still delivering. I mean, what's he going to say?
youdontsay 0
Lmao! Chikiti china n the Chinese chicken ! "U be here fow two hour u go home now"
lightningRODman 0
i'm azn if it were me that u said that to i'd probably wouldn't be offended, i might just act that way though, to make u feel like a douche :D
iFruit 0
LMFasianA