Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML
Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML
Today, my daughter turned up at my house because her boyfriend kicked her out. I rang him and it turns out his love and affection and even the time he spent getting to know her kids wasn’t enough for her, my daughter just had to throw it all away by sucking her coworker's dick in her boyfriend's bed. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
Today, I caught my 20 year old daughter having sex with my best friend's husband. Apparently it's my fault for coming home early. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, after I grounded my barely 18 year-old daughter for having sex with her boyfriend when I found a pack of condoms in her room while cleaning it, she responded by moving out and eloping with him. FML
Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML
Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML
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Top comments
Krirn 21
Isn't that punishment enough?
ilikebikes7 3
Poor Thomas.
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Comments (321)
theandrewdays 2
Some fine parenting led to this behavior I'm sure.
conholio33 28
Not how you wanted to find out
brand2017 9
Getting kind of irritated about people blaming the OP for this one. Unless you assume all children live in Harry Potter secure bedrooms with barred windows and an outer locked door, teens sneaking out is highly possible. I used to sneak down to my basement to play xbox all night and never once woke my parents. Kids are sneaky, especially when they have a goal in mind. And unless OP is an ultra light sleeper with bat hearing, doubtful that he would have heard his daughter leave. Next, teens are rebellious and hormonal. There may be a number of reasons she broke her trust. Over reacting from a fight with her parents, peer pressure, media, etc. it doesnt all land on bad parenting. Think from both sides people, come on.
jonsey974 3
...fourteen years old....drunk partying....whoring around.....wow. Maybe the world should've ended -__-
itsgen 16
****
Sir_drink_alot 20
I think you are one of those parents who refuse to use the word 'no,' and you send your kids to a school that does not grade the children. You reap what you sow, children need rules
Bulldozer1981 4
Why in GOD's name is a 14 year old having sex? And why in the hell are you letting her do that?? What kind of parents are you?? Be a parent and talk to your child!
inarsla 8
12-14 is the average age for females to become sexually active for most of the world. Kindly remove your head from your ass, and take another look around.
DashItAll 10
This kind of post really chaps my ass! Be a parent, not a friend! YDI!
Zeboo 1
I believe I know the guy... I hate him from the bottom of my heart... He has a tendency of getting together with girls who look shy, having sex with them and dumping them. I'd ask your daughter if they used condoms... Furthermore make a check for all kinds of STDs... That guy is bad... Real bad...
iwbhevrything 4
that'd be a fail in the raising & parenting there.
inarsla 8
Ya, who let's their kids get away with thinking faking orgasms is a good idea? :/