Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom got drunk and decided to unwrap all my Christmas gifts and throw them at the wall. Ho, ho, ho. FML
Today, after spending hours putting up our tree and decorating it, it fell over and shattered the glass ornaments. FML
Today, nothing said Christmas quite like my dad taking 18 shots of vodka, falling on the Christmas tree while holding our 3-year-old cousin and denying it ever happened when he woke up later. FML
Today, to try to have a less depressing Christmas, I've put up a small tree in my apartment and wrapped some presents for myself. I woke from a nap to the sound of my cat vomiting. What did she throw up on? The presents. FML
Today, I received a very expensive bottle of wine for Christmas. My alcoholic mother snuck into my house while I was out and drank the whole bottle. FML
Today, after spending hours wrapping the presents for Christmas, I came back into the room to find that my dog had lost his toy, knocked over all the presents, and was frantically ripping at everything to find it. FML
Today, my family and I were decorating the Christmas tree. It seemed a bit unstable, but we decorated it without any problems. Later, while my daughter sat by the tree, it began to fall. Her grandmother stopped the tree from hitting her. I, on the other hand, screamed like a little girl. I'm a 38 year-old guy. FML
Today, my family decided to break tradition and wake up at midnight to open presents. I didn't find out until I went downstairs to get a glass of water in the middle of the night, and found wrapping paper and empty boxes everywhere. FML
Today, my apartment was broken into. The thief stole my TV, $350, and my Christmas tree. There is still a trail of broken ornaments from my living room to the door. FML
Today, my family and I noticed that our Christmas tree had been stolen from our front garden. Last night, a group of girls from my village posted a status on Facebook stating how drunk they were, and how they had stolen a Christmas tree. I "liked" it. FML
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Top comments
ninjaboy18 6
Looks like Santa and your mom had a good time.
JustLikeTheStars 10
Your mom knows how to party! Lmao.
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Comments (92)
JustLikeTheStars 10
Your mom knows how to party! Lmao.
GothickNihilist 15
Maybe she parted with that 14 year old and Thomas..
zonegoofy 5
Her and Thomas effed some things up! Lol
sens3sfailing 25
I didn't know Kesha had a daughter!
LolPieRofl 11
Thomas and a 14 year old? Thats kind of pedo cause its probably a 40 year old mom
winkydog4056 16
#26_*partied? That was after she walked in to two 6 year olds comparing their wanker sizes.
ninjaboy18 6
Looks like Santa and your mom had a good time.
oj101 33
I hear Ke$ha likes bearded guys.
yuri63f6 7
I saw mommy - doing nasty unspeakable things to - santa claus~ underneath the mistletoe last night...
emilyjgraham 34
15, if I remember the statistics right the average sex session is between 8 and 10 minutes. Are you one of these people that HAS to go on for longer? I'm not sure if I speak for all women and men but some of us enjoy quick sessions so we don't want it to last half an hour EVERY time. :)
DKjazz 20
I hope Santa"wrapped" his "present".
BVBARMY1238 9
#73- Win. Hahaha.
cr3ativity 15
Well at least your grandmother in law will have a better view of you when she gets pictures of this. :)
HowieDoIt 21
God bless us, every one!
sens3sfailing 25
No. **** their life, OP!
vocaloidtiger 12
4 and 43 - ...What?
Synistiel 14
Awh :( I know how it feels to have Christmas ruined. I hope the rest of your Christmas goes well.
KelseyDaBoyz 21
Merry Christmas ya drunken animal.
cr3ativity 15
Filthy*
KelseyDaBoyz 21
I know that 19, it was suppose to be a joke because of the mother being drunk but obviously no one got it.
cr3ativity 15
But we know that the mother is drunk. The quote itself is supposed to be used as a joke. By putting a "joke" (as you call it) within that joke, you're going all Leonardo DiCaprio on it and making my head spin.
ilikebikes7 3
at least you got presents..?
howdeedoo 22
But now the surprise is gone...
Sandsh8rk 36
and besides, it's sorta depressing to see your mother like that in what is supposed to be a happy day...
haydencisahoss 6
That's one way to do it
howdeedoo 22
Do what exactly?
emilyjgraham 34
Ruin Christmas of course!
PenguinBitch 44
68-For a moment there I though you wrote Christmas Intercourse. Ha
nerdking21 10
You mean to tell me that's not a normal Christmas?
howdeedoo 22
No, it's definitely not
MrSassypants 34
Yeah, everyone knows a normal Christmas is when you are surrounded by family members you don't know other than them being at Christmas parties and children crying because they didn't get what they wanted. Give or take a few drunken uncles of course.
Sputnikspak 13
The drunken uncles in my family don't show up at Christmas. They show up at funerals. And then have a fistfight on the front lawn. Not joking.
alycion 39
Pick the tree up, rewrap the gifts and call a rehab facility?
btstig 11
After you give mom a swift **** Punt!