Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML
Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML
Today, my daughter turned up at my house because her boyfriend kicked her out. I rang him and it turns out his love and affection and even the time he spent getting to know her kids wasn’t enough for her, my daughter just had to throw it all away by sucking her coworker's dick in her boyfriend's bed. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
Today, I caught my 20 year old daughter having sex with my best friend's husband. Apparently it's my fault for coming home early. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, after I grounded my barely 18 year-old daughter for having sex with her boyfriend when I found a pack of condoms in her room while cleaning it, she responded by moving out and eloping with him. FML
Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML
Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML
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Top comments
Krirn 21
Isn't that punishment enough?
ilikebikes7 3
Poor Thomas.
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Comments (321)
Morgiepoooh9822 17
I'm 15 and I wouldn't even think of doing that. Tithe daughter needs bars on her windows and I dunno a therapist? So she can talk to someone about why she is such A ho ho ho. It's not all of us teens who do that shit. But the ones who do need a reality check.
SweetLuna 10
Ain't that the truth! lol When I was 14 I wasn't into that kind of stuff. These kids that think it's so fun to PLAY adult have no clue what they're in for.
ElliotC 6
Someone had a good Christmas Eve. Hoe hoe hoe ;)
UniqueAnt21 3
What type of parent are you? Your daughter knows way to much for her age. You must not have any control over her. That's topical for today's parents of the young generation.
jetpriest 9
This definitely shows you need to work on your parenting skills. First of all a 14 year old shouldn't be able to sneak passed anyone. Second of all, by the way she was talking, you have been slacking in restrictions for TOO long. She has too much knowledge for her age and has to be punished according to her misdeeds. A drunk 14 year old GIRL is totally inexcusable. You have to be on your toes. If the cops got a hold of your kid before you did, did you know that her being drunk alone is a reason why they'll take her to child services? Please be CAREFUL.
IIzander93II 3
She could have been let out to this party with permission from her parents. The internet is a powerful tool for information. Kids can get a hold of alcohol from literally anywhere. College kids, parent stashes, stealing from stores, etc.
kyoyaotori 7
Why does it matter that she is a girl? You emphasized the word girl as though it is acceptable for boys to drink and party at the same age. Either way, it is a bad sign that the parent has not been paying enough attention to their kids and there could be a lack of discipline.
frigginpenguin 5
First of all, the daughter didn't even do anything illegal - secondly, i don't see how this child knows too much. In fact it's hard for her not to, considering she most likely learns about these things at school. The culture in Denmark is very different from the culture in USA. ;)
Homer1975 14
omg,you daughter is small to fit Thomas little dick ，isn't it？
nukemdukem 8
Sign of Bad parenting
Huney206 3
I hope you beat her ass!
gemmadaws 3
You suck so badly think its time to go play Russian roulette
twiztedone 19
Whoop that ass!!
smokestrong 1
A ****. You daughter is a ****. That is all