Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML
Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML
Proud Papa moment
Today, my daughter turned up at my house because her boyfriend kicked her out. I rang him and it turns out his love and affection and even the time he spent getting to know her kids wasn’t enough for her, my daughter just had to throw it all away by sucking her coworker's dick in her boyfriend's bed. FML
Stop
Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML
Future Darwin Award
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
Today, I caught my 20 year old daughter having sex with my best friend's husband. Apparently it's my fault for coming home early. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Gone girl
Today, after I grounded my barely 18 year-old daughter for having sex with her boyfriend when I found a pack of condoms in her room while cleaning it, she responded by moving out and eloping with him. FML
Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML
Teenagers these days
Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML
Top comments
Krirn 21
Isn't that punishment enough?
ilikebikes7 3
Poor Thomas.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (321)
Krirn 21
Isn't that punishment enough?
bettykooler 7
No.
melsaraj 9
I'd beat the s*** out of her
Lindahhxd 7
I'd make her call Thomas and force her tell him he has a small penis.
Nudi_fml 13
Why does he have to suffer for her acts? He has his own parents for that
zoPwNAgEzo 21
1 - I bet OP had the same facial expression as your profile pic after hearing this
hihome 7
14 going on 21
yoyoforpeace 14
Well...Merry Christmas!
Hentai_fml 6
Well more like Fhl for having a small dick and having a girl fake an ******.
awesomeman10 6
Its gonna suck for thomas. If he sees this lol.
Inediblepeaches 15
Just stop, 213.... Just stop...
Lunasis 14
14 going on kesha more like it
xponia 8
Looks like you may have to fake being her parent.
zack11742 7
I would say they already have faked being parents
KaiserSD 8
Yeah, they've already failed at that as well.
stinewd 9
Well, OP is from Denmark, where the legal drinking age is 16. And that kind of makes it a different story, if you compare it with the legal age in the US. I'm not saying what she did was a clever thing, but I don't think we should say that her parents are failed. We know nothing about their history, so we shouldn't jump to such harsh conclusions like that. I would say the average try drinking before its legal, and hey, I would say friends have more impact on a teenage girl than a parent. I'd image "drink! Drink! Drink" from friends would be more scary than a mom telling you not to. At 14 you wanna do everything to fit in...
Benchyface 11
#122, So true that this story isn't especially shocking or unusual when I'm used to the Scandinavian legal ages of drinking and sex. Think most people did something like this in that age, except the complaining to mummy whilst drunk part, I suppose.
freshberries22 17
I don't know if I'd say her parents failed her. There are a lot of societal pressures to have sex and ops daughter may have given into peer pressure to fit in. Some people can be the best parents in the world but sometimes it's not enough; teenagers are going to do what they want.
qwillis98 20
Ok this comment is in reply to all the people who have said she has failed as a parent. She most likely Op has not failed as a parent I say this because I'm 14 and some of the people I hang out with do drugs, get drunk every week, are ******* everyone they date, and be the number one teenage stereotype out there, assholes. Most teens today are ****** up and can't do the right thing to save there life. My neighbor's daughter was caught with coke in her system and when questioned she said she was too drunk to remember. Point is the parents haven't failed it's the teenagers who have failed.
doodlecloud 27
128 - I try not to blame parents without knowing the full circumstances but can you honestly say that all those idiots you know have loving, knowedgeable, moral parents but they didn't make a difference? I just have a hard time believing that you can have great parents and still go that wrong...teens make mistakes, sure, but I think the magnitude of those mistakes may depend on how you were brought up.
abbiyroad 16
128 that doesn't make it any better. Maybe you should question the crowd you are hanging out with ... I'm 17 and have never done any of that
Pyapi 20
#158 - I've met plenty of teenagers that, while their parents are the sweetest in the world, they still do those things. I don't know why. And maybe, there is the possibility that the parents aren't really sweet at all. I know that a friend of mine has the sweetest mom and he screwed up and got into drugs. He deeply regrets it now. #160 - Exactly! I am 17 as well and I've never done any of that either. My friends don't do those things either, except for a few of them and even then it is to a much lesser extent than I see others do it.
BlueMoonCafe 12
I couldn't agree more. I'm fifteen and I almost always blame the child as opposed to the parent. Yes, everyone makes mistakes, but most teenagers refuse to learn from them. Parents can't control the decisions their children make, they can only mold them as best as they can while they have the opportunity. I feel that it's ignorant to blame the parent for something they had no control over.
ScotsLassie 6
158 - my parents were amazing, my mum taught me about sex and the dangers of drink and drugs but I still started doing all that when I was 14. I did it cause everyone else was doing it and my parents couldn't stop it. I wouldn't judge OP or her daughter with the little facts that we have, I just feel sorry for OP having to find out this way that her daughter is having sex.
Kris_95_fml 7
Oh ffs stop blaming the parents it's not just how you were brought up its with who an where, I'm 17 I rarely drink and occasionally smoke..... People I used to hang out with we're smoking weed at 13 and selling it by the time they were 15 my mother is not the best parent around..... And her boyfriend most definitely isn't, my up bringing was shit my a few months ago I had an offer to train with the British Olympic squad... What I'm trying to say is that it's not the parents but you as a person, and how impressionable you are!
qwillis98 20
Actually most of them do. My neighbors mom is a wonderful person who opposes drugs, goes to church, and babysits my sister. Most teens who do ****** up shit have good parents, but these kids are corrupted by piers, music, tv, and other things that they see on a daily basis. The reason i have grown up to be mature, responsible, and caring is because my parents have shielded me from that shit. My father is a police officer and when I went into a public school showed me pictures of crack heads, drug addicts, and alcoholics. Knowing that this is the shit that happens when u do drugs or drink excessively I was able to avoid these things.
qwillis98 20
I only hang out with them because I am trying to keep them from that lifestyle, but sadly i am failing and they continue to do these things. :(
qwillis98 20
Those were at 158 and 160
DarkSaul 20
Op should have said to the daughter, "Let me take you to the police station *cough* I mean home."
ilikebikes7 3
Poor Thomas.
LuckBeNimble 19
yeah. poor Thomas sure got the short end of the stick in this situation. or actually, I guess your daughter did. (;
pandachic27 9
Must have been Asian
oj101 33
I agree. They must all be in a Sticky stickuation, especially Thomas the Tank. The daughter is way too young. Cum on, she's only 14 years old. It looks like they all got the short end of the Stick.
oj101 33
Oh who am I kidding? I'm no Pleonasm when it comes to puns.
ProjectN69 12
Yeah yeah, poor Thomas. He lost his virginity at 14... That makes me feel good about myself
MelTheGreat 23
Poor Thomas' little Thomas.
LiterOfCola 16
By dictionary definition, #55 kind of was a pleonasm :P
AK_lor 5
That sucks..for Thomas
ConBroChilll 9
You know what they say, tiny actions make big problems. EDIT: Having sex at 14 is not a tiny action metaphorically. Physically saying because Tommy has a little wang.
al122397 13
Someone needs Viagra
threer 30
Unfortunately, no one said Thomas was 14 as well.
tjolivas 9
Well I hope you do something about this. She's a little young to be making such choices
bettykooler 7
No shit.
GothickNihilist 15
So true. Sex in young teens can cause serious cervical problems, and binge drinking before 15 can cause severe brain damage. OP it's time that you had a talk with your daughter about poor life choices. Good luck and happy holidays. :3
MrSassypants 34
Well teenagers seem to do everything from what I hear. I overhear kids talking about getting laid, always getting wasted, and "be smokin' dat weed erry day". Then there is me just reading my Physics book in a corner saying quietly to myself "I'm trying to learn about freakin' Newton's laws here."
ninjapiratejesus_fml 20
That was me in Mexico. All my friends were drinking like crazy because the legal age is almost nonexistent and I was just like, "What a nice sunset..."
Corrupt_waffles 13
Ninjapiratejesus thank you for restoring my faith in some humans. :/ my 'friends' do that here too....they also go around running away from the police after they harass them. I need new friends.
Laurenlou 24
There are actually a large number of teenagers who do not care for that crazy, always drunk, sex with everyone life style. None of my current friends are crazy. A few years ago I had terrible friends but I had discovered this amazing group of people who didn't like that nasty stuff. Our little "group" became so much bigger. Now I only have good, nice friends. Seriously, just as many adults do that shit.
WrongRomance 11
As a teen, I've had every opportunity for that stuff. Just offered to me. Drugs, sex, alcohol. I've said no to all of it. Unfortunately, I couldn't escape all perils, because some don't know the meaning of no, but even now I do not want it.
GhostChickens 17
I'm eighteen and legally allowed to drink and have sex, but I don't binge drink or sleep around and never have. I try not to judge, but I know twelve year olds who have had sex with more people than I've laid eyes on...Okay, that was an exaggeration, but you get it. There's something weird about kids getting different people to sleep with them every night. I feel awkward being alone with someone I just met, I don't know how I'd push myself into getting naked around them.
awkwardpenguin1 3
Yeah it's sad... whatever happened to learning being a virtue? Study first then party when you have a life, a good job, money and can appreciate things
trulymickeyj 13
You're young too...
ultra_notorious 26
kind of late after the little ***** already spread her legs
ConradKay 13
Eh, I don't think there's anything morally wrong with what the daughter did. It was stupid, sure, but not the most terrible thing she could have done.
TheGreatAlexande 12
Looks like someone had a great Christmas eve! :D
howdeedoo 22
Well, neither OP nor her daughter seem to have had fun. But I'm sure a lot of other people did
DaDivineDevil 11
He was sarcastic.
Nightwing98 22
Why are you writing the fml instead of her?!
YacL 15
Yeah, why aren't you writing her damnit!?
spikekutter 9
your saughters a whire
dressedskeleton 10
Go home spikekutter, you're drunk.
SweetasCandy0609 28
At 14? I'm not sure their is a punishment big enough for her but I surely hope you find one
LuckBeNimble 19
Thomas wasn't big enough for her either.
BrysGirl27 14
Hahahah:) burn:)
Zebediabolical 45
Thomas got plus one to ego for xmas!
JustLikeTheStars 10
Woah. This generations ****** up. -.-t
TheGreatAlexande 12
This generation? In the past women would be married by that age.
Shrike 24
^ Oh shit, you pointed out a fact that contradicts popular sanctimonious opinion. Brace for thumbs down.
GothickNihilist 15
Every generation has its share of morons. Most of these moronic moments happened before social media, so they are not well documented.
WrongRomance 11
That is just.. despicable. Pray to god a condom was involved.
8KAGE8 8
#82 As I realize this has nothing to do with the post, your Excalibur profile picture caught my eye and I ended up reading your description (not to be stalkerish) and you seem like a person I would get along with. Nice. Carry on.
Laurenlou 24
Just as many adults are like this 14 year old in the FML. And they never grow up. It has nothing to do with "this generation." Yes, in olden times woman were married at 14-16 years of age. I don't see how that is a bad thing, if the woman is mature and not like this little brat in the FML. A girl's body "changes" at an average age of 12. (correct me if I am wrong) So why shouldn't woman get married that young, unless they are not mature?
Sinkhole 26
228 - You do realize that puberty is not something that just happens, right? Changes in a girl's body can take years. Twelve is the average age for menarche, but the body doesn't complete puberty until the ages of 15-17. So, just because a girl menstruates doesn't mean that she's actually ready to have kids or to even have a sexual relationship, let alone marry.
WrongRomance 11
I didn't have a period until I was in 8th grade, at 14 years old.
Zedd_fml 8
According to your profile, do you not fall under the same generation?
karlikaragiannis 8
I agree! I'm part of it and I hate it!