Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML
Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML
Proud Papa moment
Today, my daughter turned up at my house because her boyfriend kicked her out. I rang him and it turns out his love and affection and even the time he spent getting to know her kids wasn’t enough for her, my daughter just had to throw it all away by sucking her coworker's dick in her boyfriend's bed. FML
Stop
Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML
Future Darwin Award
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
Today, I caught my 20 year old daughter having sex with my best friend's husband. Apparently it's my fault for coming home early. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Gone girl
Today, after I grounded my barely 18 year-old daughter for having sex with her boyfriend when I found a pack of condoms in her room while cleaning it, she responded by moving out and eloping with him. FML
Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML
Teenagers these days
Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML
Top comments
Krirn 21
Isn't that punishment enough?
ilikebikes7 3
Poor Thomas.
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Comments (321)
thomasescudero 2
My names Thomas:(
musikchik 6
That's when you step up as a parent and DO something about that. Apparently there's something you've lacked on teaching her here.
NirotJ 2
I can imagine on the other side of the Internet: today I lost my virginity, it wasn't going great and I thought we'd both finished, she then went home to her military dad, crying and drunk, sobbing that I had a small dick and she had to fake ******... And I'm shit scared of her Dad. Fml
redhedsaysrawr 18
Merry Christmas, here have some ghonorrea... Maybe that'll be punishment enough when she gets an STD.
ranko77 1
Sex at 14?!!!!! That's awful, I feel for today's parents :(
Eifos93 3
Reading this seriously made me sad. Not on behalf of the OP, the daughter or Thomas, but because of the comments. I'm from Denmark and it is only 5 years since I was 14 and yes I was drinking at that age, not because my parents were moronic arse-hats who couldn't raise a child, but because that's when partying became exciting and started occuring. I would actually say that danish parents as a whole are extremely good at informing their kids of how to handle alchohol (and sex). Not only do we recieve extensive education about the body and its sexual functions, which is a part of our curriculum in school, from the age of about 10 and upwards, but our parents stand up to their responsibillity of filling in the blanks that teachers leave out. Mine was a typical story of being invited to a party a classmate was having, which all parents of course knew about, and was being monitored by said classmates mom and dad who had also set the limits of three breezers or beers for each kid and asked that we brought a signed slip from our parents that we were allowed to drink. I was 13 and a bit nervous of the whole ordeal, so my parents sat me down and talked(!) to me about it and suggested that I should drink a breezer the night before going to the party so I would know how it would feel. Needless to say the party went great and without any bad incidents. And now at 19 I still drink and in much bigger quantums than I did back then, but that doesn't mean my life is off the rail. I go to university and pay my bills just like any other person. On the subject of sex I certainly do not feel that 14 is such a horrific age. Here the legal age is 15 and if the couple both are under 15 there are no legal punishment. I didn't have sex when I was 14 because I had braces and glasses, but if I had had the chance with a cute boy I would have done it. When I was about 11 or 12 my parents said "When you one day feel like this is the only right thing for you and you don't want to stop, then do it. Just use protection" so I never felt like I couldn't talk to them about it or should have to hide it from them. This turned out to be rather lengthy, and naturally I understand that if this girl is sneaking out she should be told that this is not okay. But coming home drunk and crying over that to her mum actually seems a bit hilarious to me and with the relationship I have with my mum I could see myself saying that to her sober. And to the ones who says she should be heavily disciplined, dear gods am I happy I'm not your child because that must be so sad not having trusting parents who can accept a few mistakes on the road to adulthood.
bugmenotmofo 34
I'm 27, in my area age of consent in 16 and it is possible to get married at the age of 14 under special circumstances. Call me old-fashioned, but 14 is too early to screw around - there's a good chance that'll do a stupid thing and ruin your childhood (by getting pregnant or getting somebody pregnant). At 14 you're still a child, danish or not. Having sex while intoxicated will increase chance of getting a sick child (retarded, cleft lip, etc), because alcohol impairs judgement (protection) AND affects conception negatively. Alcohol also affects growing up children negatively, so it definitely should be avoided till you're adult (which happens around age of 20..25). So if you were drinking underage, then it is because you or your parents were uneducated or irresponsible.
SweetLuna 10
You sound like a warning label lol but it's true, kids shouldn't be doing this stuff and the parents need to show them who's boss not the other way around.
frigginpenguin 5
Thank you, thank you for writing a comment with exactly my opinion. I will provide tl;dr: The only bad thing done by the daughter, is sneaking out on her parents. Assuming Thomas is fifteen or younger, everything else she did is legal and accepted in Denmark.
HeartOfLead 24
I would have responded by starting to get along with her and going about how I managed to raise a slit and where I went wrong. You should try this OP.
NeonPopRocks 14
I got Thomas and ****** mixed up, and I read it Thorgasm.
Sly_Assassin 11
I think you and your daughter should have a talk
heatherblah 8
Your fault. Completely. 14?? Sleeping with someone?