Milked Richard
Wagga Wagga, Australia
Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
tapeissticky591
Sherwood Park, Canada
Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML
b.fritz
Saint Louis, United States
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
idontbleedfromthere
Indio, United States
Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML
Anonymous
Tordesillas, Spain
Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML
man-period?
Portland, United States
Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML
umm...
Canberra, Australia
It's a witch!
Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML
whoslade
United States
Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML
patronuscat?
Meow!
Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML
stitchwitch
The runs
Today, I found out that my psycho roommate replaced my milk with milk of magnesia. How? By taking a huge gulp. Tonight is going to be fun. FML
Olorin
Germany
Today, I woke up soaked in water. It seems at some point in the middle of the night, I woke up thirsty and opened the water bottle I keep on my nightstand. I managed to drink a little, but it seems I didn't manage to put the cap back on before losing consciousness again. FML
Top comments
adamjcurryy 19
I'd love to know the story behind this.
HereNReady 13
I think this may be the first time in 30 years that I literally have nothing to say. Enjoy therapy!
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Comments (117)
newzealand 28
You actually sound kinda proud of this achievement OP?? And I'm actually impressed haha
Llama_Face89 34
Sounds more confused than proud to me.
Exodiafinder687 58
Hopefully it's still attached to you.
destinedjagold 7
Yeah, I'm hoping that as well. Would be REALLY SCARY to wake up and see "it" taped inside the bottle on a table or something... o.o
elcee1987 18
I don't think you would wake up if it were sitting on the table next to you. Either way though, that was my first thought too
blackonblight 33
What, is it detachable?
jazzy_123 20
seems like you had a crazy night OP!
Faddyy6 17
Wow the hangover :p
brieee 23
People who sleep walk do crazy stuff.
rossea 21
I'm just wondering WHO taped your penis to a milk bottle..
Jasim 17
It's either a prank or a really great story.
Kels789 15
Joke's on you, I'm not baffled. Happens to me all the time.
False_Stupidity 42
Right, so your picture has the pink border around it, indicating you're female but your penis gets taped inside milk bottles all the time?
Kels789 15
Whoooooooosh.
jagma_fml 14
Probably didn't even have to duck for that one...
RobinGoodfellow 47
You clearly live a thrilling night life.
Ashamed_Sister 60
Now I have to check FML at least every hour and hope for a follow-up.