Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'm on the last few days of my period. After nothing came out the whole day, a dollop of blood suddenly poured out, somehow managed to entirely circumvent the giant pad I was wearing, and went straight into my underwear, pants, and the chair I was sitting on. FML
Today, after I wore a pad last night, I woke up this morning, took off my underwear to use the bathroom, and a huge period glob flew hit the rug and splattered everywhere. The globs got on every piece if clothing I wore. I then had to clean what looked like a crime scene. FML
Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML
Today, I tried on a pair of pants in a dressing room and they didn’t fit. However, my period came suddenly and left a massive bloodstain, so I had to buy them anyway. In case you’re wondering, the pants were white, the cashier was male and cute, and he definitely noticed. FML
Today, I got my period at school. I didn't notice until a boy asked me if I'd killed someone in my pants. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, my penis isn't so small that I pee on my balls. It's so small that it fits between the toilet and toilet seat, causing me to pee all over the floor full stream. FML
Today, whilst trying on a pair of jeans, I got my genitals caught in my fly. I'm a woman. FML
Today, I woke up to find out my cat pissed in my laundry from last night. This includes underwear, so I had to go commando. I grabbed an old T-shirt and pants at the bottom of a drawer and left for school. Turns out the pants had a hole in the crotch and my period was due. FML
Today, I woke up at my brother-in-law's house in the middle of the night to discover I had a watery shit in my underwear. I thought I was safe because had on a Depends, I wasn’t and had to change my sweatpants too. FML
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Top comments
Karau_fml 12
Well I guess now you are going to have a ******
pohoon 12
wet dream gone wrong
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Comments (107)
Pizzapiggy1 18
Umm I would get that checked if I were you
PencilTips 19
Doesn't this happen when you have kidney failure? Or over masturbating? I know these are probably not the case, but is this nothing to worry about, or something urgent?
Rkikkas9713 25
It can also happen if you have really crappy toilet paper, it rubs your booty raw and can make it bleed if it's used too frequently.
VowelMovement 15
Blood coming out of an orifice it doesn't usually come out of is something to worry about.
mystam4 17
possible hemorrhoids... time to see the doctor op. hope all is well
Brandi_Faith 34
Could also be a urine tract infection. Either way op, get that checked immediately!
smackaroonial 20
I had hemorrhoids a couple years ago. It was really weird because I ate healthy, and exercised plenty. After wondering why I was bleeding down there I saw someone's comment on a website... "Sitting too long on the toilet can cause hemorrhoids." I realized that was it because I sat way too long and browsed my phone. Since I've cut down on the phone usage in the bathroom my hemorrhoids have gone away.
PencilTips 19
After a vasectomy, you do not need to worry about blood down there for the first few days. Maybe OP is just ignorant. You don't always have to worry about blood down there. I know OP would know its because of a vasectomy, if he had one, but I don't know if there other OK reasons...
pyrestriker 6
could also be chaffing from being too rough. just saying, not enough details, we all are left to speculate.
KoolCids007 9
THANK YOU! I literally just had the same problem and i do the same thing, was going to go to the doctor tomorrow! Thanks!
jairolover 25
hope you still went.
Karau_fml 12
Well I guess now you are going to have a ******
SixthSinEnvy 39
I guess boys really DO become girls when they turn 13...
aahm1403 5
I'm liking the reference lol
BrainEaters 13
Your profile picture makes this comment soooo creepy.
cosmic_peanut 17
what a bloody situation
krazy789 28
lol you are asking to be downvoted
mattyiscool123 26
That's not even a pun
SteveBassist 20
Still waiting for that pun to appear..
pohoon 12
wet dream gone wrong
milehigh52 22
What happens when you have a wet dream about Freddy Krueger.
ChocolateScyther 19
believe it or not, Cannibal Corpse wrote a song about op. it's called I Cum Blood
Estrangement 25
#19 Cannibal Corpse has some awesome song names. I Cum Blood, ****** With a Knife, Entrails Ripped from a Virgin's ****, Priests of Sodom, Encased in Concrete.... Anyway related to the FML, may want to have it looked at. Can't be good.
cj89898 24
Wet dream prank gone wrong in the hood
why57why 21
Don't forget about eviceration plague
imStoneCold 7
You should see a doctor about that.
joe1105 11
maybe you passed out due to surprise butt sex
SpyroMello 29
Wouldn't explain the blood and I'm pretty sure OP was just sleeping
dubsdb 16
That doesn't sound good at all OP, good luck, go to your doctor, and I hope that there isn't pain.
ldhull 16
Leave it to the professionals. Call your doctor and stay healthy man.
_ravens_ 11
I hope you have a fantastic Doctor
MrScootyPuffSr 16
Knock knock. Whose there?. It's Gonorrhea. Gonorrhea who? No seriously bro, it's just gonorrhea.