Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes,...

Milked Richard 6 February 2015, 04:14 Wagga Wagga, Australia

Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML

117 comments

Collection

Fall

Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.

Same thing different taste

tapeissticky591 14 July 2012, 05:49 Sherwood Park, Canada

Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML

166 comments

b.fritz 24 September 2016, 10:02 Saint Louis, United States

Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML

102 comments

idontbleedfromthere 22 August 2012, 23:10 Indio, United States

Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML

111 comments

Anonymous 3 June 2012, 17:43 Tordesillas, Spain

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML

118 comments

man-period? 2 March 2016, 06:48 Portland, United States

Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML

107 comments

umm... 30 March 2020, 23:00 Canberra, Australia

It's a witch!

Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML

15 comments

whoslade 28 June 2012, 17:36 United States

Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML

111 comments

patronuscat? 5 October 2017, 01:30

Meow!

Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML

21 comments

stitchwitch 18 May 2023, 00:06

The runs

Today, I found out that my psycho roommate replaced my milk with milk of magnesia. How? By taking a huge gulp. Tonight is going to be fun. FML

3 comments

Olorin 7 November 2011, 20:49 Germany

Today, I woke up soaked in water. It seems at some point in the middle of the night, I woke up thirsty and opened the water bottle I keep on my nightstand. I managed to drink a little, but it seems I didn't manage to put the cap back on before losing consciousness again. FML