patronuscat?
Meow!
Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
cdn_steed
United States
Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML
scratchpost
United States
Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML
Robert Herrin
Kinky Crab
Today, I fell asleep with my hermit crab on my bed and woke up to him pinching my nipple. FML
Anonymous
Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
crazycatlady
Ashland, United States
Today, I woke up with my cat's asshole planted firmly on my forehead. FML
Anonymous
Rise and shine
Today, my cat woke me up at 3 a.m. by jumping from the shelf and landing on my nutsack. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML
Alwayspotato
Bittie
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend, he had his head on my chest and we both fell asleep. Suddenly, I woke up by my boyfriend biting my nipple, hard, in his sleep. I now need to go to the pharmacy because of a bleeding nipple. FML
Anonymous
United States
The little things
Today, I woke up to my husband slowly pulling my blanket off me. I thought he was being romantic until I realized it was because the cat had puked all over me while I was sleeping. FML
Anonymous
Santee, United States
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML
Top comments
Glowworm56 27
If I'm not mistaken, alcohol definitely had a hand in this scenario.
mrjiggles1992 18
This is rather common with cats! They are genuinely trying to suckle. It’s not some weird thing they will have taught their cat to do! The FML here is not knowing animal behaviour and instantly being weirded out.
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Comments (21)
Norja 33
I'm sure there's a joke in there somewhere about the guy not being the only one getting pussy...
Glowworm56 27
If I'm not mistaken, alcohol definitely had a hand in this scenario.
ThrottleJockey 36
And a foot, and an arm, and a nipple, and a...
pjsr 33
This is great. Female gets foreplay; Male gets to sleep until it's time to get down to business
mt21mt 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
What happened to this website? It used to funny, lately it has just been disgusting... I only come here because I used to come here, if this was my first visit then it would also be my last. I don't want to read about a ***** having some non-consensual ***********, and I don't want to read about a guy having bloody diarrhea.
mitolit 12
No one cares...
Inkoseh 33
Schadenfreude is one of the most used forms of entertainment!
pjsr 33
Then participate in moderation
TacoTheDank 27
You can always just leave, dude. No one's stopping you.
Talented73 54
That sounds like an FML right there!
vandj8 9
Did it hurt so good?
mrjiggles1992 18
This is rather common with cats! They are genuinely trying to suckle. It’s not some weird thing they will have taught their cat to do! The FML here is not knowing animal behaviour and instantly being weirded out.
Lobby_Bee 18
Kitten must be delighted to finally get some sweet female nipples, male nipples are probably salty AF.
gobiteme2 34
Just nasty, both the cat and you.
davecross 11
Was he licking your other nipple ?
dcharold 11
Don't feel alone. I once woke up in a girl's bed to her cat doing the same. They were apartment cats and frankly a bit weird...