Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML
Today, I woke up extremely hung over on a friend's couch after a night of heavy drinking and partying. To my horror, I discovered that, in my drunken state, I'd allowed said friend's six-year-old daughter to trim my hair. I now have a bowl cut. FML
Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML
Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of New Year's Eve partying. I remember the night going great. What I don't remember is laying naked in the shower while my girlfriend ran water over my body to make me feel better. I also made my own funeral plans because I was convinced I was going to die. FML
Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML
Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML
Today, I woke up with a massive hangover after passing out at a wild party the night before. Apparently my friends couldn't find a marker, because I woke up with dozens of dicks drawn on my body and face in henna. I have a job interview today. FML
Today, I fell asleep at a party. I farted so loud that I woke myself up. Everyone heard. FML
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Top comments
mpsteve137 15
Wtf, you're supposed to use conditioner to do that. Duh
unknown_user5566 27
Oh, we've totally all been there. Took me a while of frustrating failed drunken attempts before I realized I didn't have a penis.
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Comments (118)
mpsteve137 15
Wtf, you're supposed to use conditioner to do that. Duh
Damn_Hippster 11
Wait your telling me that DOESN'T increase my penis size??! All the those lonely nights rubbing shampoo on myself for nothing!!
Dr0reos 8
Really because ive had good results with head and shoulders shampoo
Trisha_aus 15
Hangover 3
JocelynKaulitz 28
You're supposed to use the shampoo that helps prevent dryness and add more volume…
xalba 9
Hahaha that funny
The_CL0GGER 0
umm... There are about 7 things that points to YDI in this FML.
Inheritance 10
Question is OP did it work?
EvilPotato 15
35 oh ya tell me about it, nothings worst than dry pubic hair. Gotta keep it moist.
yuggi1 11
You people are so off! The only shampoo that works for that is the one with the stallion logo. Never heard of the reference; hung like a horse? Yup.
yellowpuppies 5
Dude I thought it was soap
SuperKnuckels 6
naw none of those products will work. But.. Smuckers will... unless thats too fancy for you.
GaleHawthorne 0
Ron Jeremy was wrong? ;(
bete_noire_fml 7
Yep, think we've all been there.
Dr0reos 8
Yeah I once got really coked up on bath salts and bit off a hobos face by the side of the road.
NoYDI 4
Sorry for party rockin'!
unknown_user5566 27
Oh, we've totally all been there. Took me a while of frustrating failed drunken attempts before I realized I didn't have a penis.
kittenvks 11
51- it's just so unfair!!
MrBrightside21 20
I'm a guy, but most of the time, I can't even find my penis.
DrewFluIngle 10
Well that's a bad day or your penis has become retractable xD
Give_Linux_A_Go 28
Someone told me that works. It doesn't, it's a sham and quite frankly it's ridickulous.
slayer447 17
Your joke was bad and you should feel bad.
retyi43 14
I found "ridickulous" quite amusing.
himynameischeese 6
Lighten up! Let the man dream!
Achall91 17
I didn't even realize the pun I just thought the guy was an idiot because he spelt ridiculous wrong.
Give_Linux_A_Go 28
Yeesh, didn't see the -21 score coming. I almost certainly do feel bad. Apologies.
hblank 4
Yea, trust Linux. He knows.
sidewaysponytail 0
Well that sucks, but you did deserve it. But I'd hate to see how boring you are when you aren't stoned...honestly normal drunk stuff
Llamacod 11
dude you gotta lay off of the reefer, it says nothing about being stoned just drinking. I think you gotta quit reliving your own personal experiences of getting stoned and shampooing your dick to make it bigger
sidewaysponytail 0
I kid he's probably a very nice interesting funny attractive person. Calllllmmmmmm doooowwwwwnnnnnnn:)
AsianCookie247 14
40 - Mr ponytail's first comment was probably made while coming down from a high or withdrawals from lack of, and their second comment was most likely made once they took a couple hits from the bong. It's like a Before and After, they even included a smiley face to show how happy they are!
kirstyannemiller 4
Did it work? I mean all good things come at a price, right?
TheEpicMilkMan 13
I'm pretty sure it didn't if he posted about it on fml...
11mandy80 6
I thought u were supposed to use soap
SkoomaKi 28
Size doesn't matter! Although at least your body hairs will be clean and silky smooth.
unknown_user5566 27
Size doesn't matter only if you know how to use what you've got. Maybe poor OP is a bit lackluster in the love makin' department, and size is his only hope of redemption. Not everyone can be natural-born sexperts like you, SkoomaKi.
SkoomaKi 28
Wait a minute. Saying "Size doesn't matter" makes me a sexpert? Brilliant! I must share my born ability with the world!
TheEpicMilkMan 13
go ShooMaki run free with your new abilities!
IdfkMyUsernamexC 5
What on earth made you think that? Lol
connerwonner 7
His friends probably told him that when he was drunk. Read between the lines.
BumbleBug 0
he was drunk, maybe
jayhawkchik 4
Yeah, I saw it on Facebook.
SystemofaBlink41 27
ANYTHING that's on facebook is true