Milked Richard
Wagga Wagga, Australia
Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
tapeissticky591
Sherwood Park, Canada
Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML
b.fritz
Saint Louis, United States
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
idontbleedfromthere
Indio, United States
Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML
Anonymous
Tordesillas, Spain
Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML
man-period?
Portland, United States
Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML
umm...
Canberra, Australia
It's a witch!
Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML
whoslade
United States
Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML
patronuscat?
Meow!
Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML
stitchwitch
The runs
Today, I found out that my psycho roommate replaced my milk with milk of magnesia. How? By taking a huge gulp. Tonight is going to be fun. FML
Olorin
Germany
Today, I woke up soaked in water. It seems at some point in the middle of the night, I woke up thirsty and opened the water bottle I keep on my nightstand. I managed to drink a little, but it seems I didn't manage to put the cap back on before losing consciousness again. FML
Top comments
adamjcurryy 19
I'd love to know the story behind this.
HereNReady 13
I think this may be the first time in 30 years that I literally have nothing to say. Enjoy therapy!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (117)
SkullsRules1 26
Straya mate!
FabiusSpeck 3
Sounds like you had a really fun night!
buckdharma 38
You must have been hitting the bottle kinda hard.
xwingtwo 15
How small is it if it fit inside a bottle?
mister_icicle 17
Congrats! You've spotted the elusive Australian Milk Snake.
Dean__Winchester 16
I've heard of BDSM but this is ridiculous. Just one question: how drunk were you last night?
tnlander 20
Op is about to be milked Iike a dairy cow.
ChildrenOfFilth 12
"I stuck my weenie in a bottle, and now I can't get it out..."
chill99 15
You must sleep very soundly.
fsomelife 26
Look on the bright side: you don't have to go to the bathroom the first time or two that you have to pee after waking up with this.