Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom when someone took the toilet next to mine. Moments later, a used tampon rolls into my cubicle followed by an "Oops!" A creeping hand then promptly reached under to retrieve it. Both her hand and the tampon touched my bare toes. FML
Today, I realized that my roommate has been using my loofah to clean our toilet. I've been cleaning myself with the shit of four college boys for the last six months. FML
Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML
Today, I was mugged while changing my tampon. The mugger took everything, including the fresh tampon. FML
Today, upon waking up, I took a sip on what I thought was a cup of water on my nightstand. I quickly discovered it was my roommate's cup of used mouthwash which she was too lazy to throw out the night before. FML
Today, I came back from break to find that my roommate had been shitting in the bathtub for the entire 2 weeks I had been gone. FML
Today, my roommate played a "prank" on me. He taped a length of clear cellophane at ankle-height just outside my bedroom door, causing me to trip and faceplant the floor, and busting out a tooth. I now look like a hick, and my roommate is refusing to cover my dental bills. FML
Today, my roommate came back from camping. My toothbrush magically reappeared as well. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got to the stage in our relationship where she thinks its okay to change her tampon whilst I brush my teeth. FML
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Top comments
JustKittyKat 24
Your name is hilarious.
IOmnomHard 10
Imagine if you choked on it in your sleep and died...The police report would be something to see.
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Comments (111)
JustKittyKat 24
Your name is hilarious.
officeradvil 8
Haha I agree 1. OP, at least they weren't used tampons.
AbstraktThoughts 13
Fill a condom up with some ranch and then slip that into your roommate's mouth while they're sleeping! :D
coolbrony12 3
35- OPs roommate would probably like that if its a girl.
Myo_fml 20
Yes, because women enjoy a man's happy juice in their mouths. -.-
Jezlovespink 5
if u have your own room put a bucket of cold water with red food coloring that way when your roommate walks in to do the deed they will fall into that one and when your roommate wakes you up with a loud scream throw a bunch of tampons at him/her!!! and say ha who's bleeding now??? lol Idk....or try super gluing tampons all over his/her stuff?? or go to their room at night at grab some pads mark it with red marker and pour a little bit of coca-cola on then and put the sticky side all over their bed/face/body/room while he/she is asleep.... hehehee
thecookielovrxx 8
^ Someone give this guy a medal!
vanillacocoa 6
Coulda been worse. Coulda been used.
ruabadfishtoo 0
Lighten up! You're roommate sounds fun
ruabadfishtoo 0
wow I can't believe I did that. **Your
sensoon15 7
Got to love it when grammar nazis correct themselves.
FatGuyLover 0
Her roomate sounds like a douche... Pay her back with a used one
xxdark 3
Awkward because the 'grammar nazi's' profile photo has a grammatical error in it :/
ruabadfishtoo 0
So just because I am a grammar 'nazi' I can't have a profile picture with a spelling error in it? :c
mfischer 17
No, you shouldn't have a profile picture with a spelling error in it because you exist.
coolbrony12 3
You smarten up. How would you like to wake up to a tampon in your mouth?
shakespearelove 6
Dude, read the name "idon'tbleedfromthere", which most likely means that the ****** tampon was used! how would you feel having a used tampon put in your mouth by your roommate? would you "lighten up"?
ruabadfishtoo 0
uh "dude", maybe it wasnt used!
sens3sfailing 25
I dont bleed from there states that blood does not come out of her mouth(that kind at least). It never mentions the tampon...I don't know how you got to assuming it was used
SarcasticUnicorn 9
This reminds me of that episode in South Park where Cartman put a tampon in Butter's mouth, and took a picture of it.
guitarbeast 22
I thought that was his penis
SarcasticUnicorn 9
Yeah but didn't he have an album or something, where he kept pictures of stuff he had done to Butter's while he slept?
fuzz97 23
Yeah, Cartman put his penis in Butters' mouth, not a tampon.
Minna_fml 14
There was a photo in the album titled "The Sleeping Menstrual", I believe. Although the episode did revolve primarily around the photo of his penis in Butter's mouth.
IOmnomHard 10
Imagine if you choked on it in your sleep and died...The police report would be something to see.
realeah 4
The dispatch call would be hilarious too. "We've got a Ms. Robinson over on 4th street. Passed away last night. Approximate age is about 21. Cause of death is choking... Choking by... Uh... Er... Well. This is a new one. Choking by tampon. We need a team out there to take a look at the scene."
Ajwc101 24
That would be an interesting C.S.I. episode.
kut17 11
But when you run out and she needs one...that's when the joke's on her.
mrtjawesome 14
well,at least he didnt put it where it was supposed to go. that would be creepy.
onlychildFTW 34
Well it could be thoughtful. Preventing stains? Maybe? No yeah it'd be even more creepy. Maybe once is a little funny. But not 3 times. That's just lame.
Baconman345 9
Just be glad they aren't used
kut17 11
She never said they weren't :/
SweetAsHell 9
That brings a whole new meaning to having a dirty mouth...
Awsumuzzie 12
25, they created Orbitz for a reason.
yankfan89 27
53- Even Orbitz can't fix used tampon breathe.
UsernameInCanada 7
Stick a tampon someplace uncomfortable in your roommate to teach them a lesson, or start looking for a new place!
BabySparkle1 15
Hopefully it's not a used tampon..
guitarbeast 22
I say get revenge!!!