Milked Richard
Wagga Wagga, Australia
Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
tapeissticky591
Sherwood Park, Canada
Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML
b.fritz
Saint Louis, United States
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
idontbleedfromthere
Indio, United States
Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML
Anonymous
Tordesillas, Spain
Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML
man-period?
Portland, United States
Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML
umm...
Canberra, Australia
It's a witch!
Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML
whoslade
United States
Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML
patronuscat?
Meow!
Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML
stitchwitch
The runs
Today, I found out that my psycho roommate replaced my milk with milk of magnesia. How? By taking a huge gulp. Tonight is going to be fun. FML
Olorin
Germany
Today, I woke up soaked in water. It seems at some point in the middle of the night, I woke up thirsty and opened the water bottle I keep on my nightstand. I managed to drink a little, but it seems I didn't manage to put the cap back on before losing consciousness again. FML
Top comments
adamjcurryy 19
I'd love to know the story behind this.
HereNReady 13
I think this may be the first time in 30 years that I literally have nothing to say. Enjoy therapy!
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Comments (117)
joyboy390 12
Im a heavy sleeper but damn dude that takes the cake! Please tell me this was after a night of heavy drinking one which the details are too fuzzy to recall because of all the alcohol consumption?!?
ahmedsenpai 3
What the actual ****
False_Stupidity 42
For those wondering how it could fit in a milk bottle, it could be one of the plastic ones with the wide opening we have here. To the OP, I hope you figure out who was responsible for this and post a follow up to sate our curiosity.
WoW_Nerd 12
I hope it wasn't a plastic one. Those things can be sharp.
merryhappy1887 20
I'm baffled at how small it must be lol
LegalLoitering 12
How is that a bad thing?
ladybugz23 13
lmfao ! Is it a prank? I like that idea!
superboredd 21
i don't think milk bottles can be used as condoms...
darlinguwillbok 7
Maybe some crazy bitch wants to have your babies so she was trying to collect sperm but then you woke up so she rolled under your bed
JLat 3
If you can sleep through someone playing with your dick then you deserved it
pitapizzaparty 18
Vegas? Prison? Or hard sleeper?