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Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML

Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML

Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML

Today, I came home with a friend to find my mom scratching my dad's butt with a fork. FML

Gas giant

Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML

Today, I showed my girlfriend some old home videos of me as a kid. My dad must have taped over one though, because halfway through it cut to extremely graphic footage of his colonoscopy. FML

Today, at work, man who was buying medicine for his son came up to me for help. He didn't know how to explain it to me, so instead he showed me a picture of a rash on his kid's butthole. FML

TMI

Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML

Digging it

Today, I witnessed my dad rummage through his nostrils, thoughtfully examine the contents, and flick them nonchalantly onto the carpet. All of this he did with the biggest demented grin on his face. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence. FML

Mortifying

Today, my dad was on the couch and I sat down next to him. As I was reading a text message, I saw my dad's fat stomach sticking out so I patted it. After the first two pats, I realized I was patting in the wrong place. I patted the family jewels. FML