Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML

Today, my mom came home from surgery. Upon arriving home, she flashed a paper in my face and said, "Want to see pictures of my colon?" My eyes are still burning. FML

Today, my mom showed my girlfriend a picture of me crying when I pooped in the bathtub. FML

Call the cops

Today, I took a look at my boyfriend's videocamera. On it were several videos of me on the toilet. My boyfriend has been hiding the videocamera in the bathroom airvent, and taping me taking dumps for the past three months. FML

Today, at the age of 25, for the first time in my life, I was lying mostly naked in front of a man while he was inserting something in my body. Too bad that man was a doctor and that thing was a colonoscopy. FML

Today, I was watching a home video of when my mom was pregnant with me. She had a beer in her hand. FML

TMI

Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML

Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML

Today, my mom asked me to look through old VHS tapes to throw away, I found one that said "Ashley's kindergarten Play - '95", I put the tape in, it began to play, only to see "Days of our lives", "Melrose Place", and "ER". My childhood memories are ranked lower than TV shows. FML

Today, I woke up and went into my living room, only to be greeted by my aunt, sister, and mother watching a very graphic video showing women giving birth. They forced me to stay and watch it until the end. It was almost 90 minutes. FML