Today, while babysitting, I made the kids and myself peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. When their parents came home, their dad took out the same container of peanut butter I had used and let their dog lick out of it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I’m a stay-at-home dad who packed my kid’s lunch while half-asleep. At pickup, my child told the teacher I packed “Daddy’s special sandwich.” Turns out I'd wrapped my own spicy tuna sandwich instead of the kid-safe peanut butter one. The teacher handed it back gently and asked if I wanted it “for later.” FML
Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML
Today, I helped myself to some homemade biscuits that had been left in the kitchen. I thought they looked a little odd, but they tasted pretty good. I found out later they were homemade dog treats. FML
Today, one of the kids I was babysitting had a severe peanut allergy, and he looked me dead in the eye as he ate a peanut bar before I could stop him. His sister swore up and down that I made him eat it. Guess who the parents believed, even after I rushed him to the hospital. FML
Today, my dad was making a sandwich in the kitchen. Hungry, I snuck in and grabbed it, running back to my room and devouring it. Later at dinner, he dumped a whole scoop of rice in my lap. We all ended up laughing as we cleaned it. FML
Today, I had a massive craving for peanut butter and jelly. While making a sandwich, the jar slipped from my hands, bounced off the counter, and exploded all over my kitchen. Now I have peanut butter and jelly in places I didn't even know existed. FML
Today, I was babysitting a 6 year-old and a 9 year-old. After they went to bed, I started working on a project for on my laptop that was due in 12 hours and fell asleep. I woke up to a dog licking my peanut buttered keyboard and the two kids sitting in the corner giggling. FML
Today, while babysitting, the oldest little girl who is 7 went through my purse. She pulled out a half empty bottle of lube. She asked what it was and I told her lotion. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, the bottle was empty and there were 4 kids covered in lube. Then their mom came home. FML
Today, we had painters in the house. My 4 year-old grandson kept telling me, "Grandpa ate the painter's sandwich." While the painters were running an errand, my husband ate their sandwich, then left to go to work. I was left to explain/apologize to the painters that my husband ate their PB&J. FML
Today, I was so tired at the pet store I was working at that I accidentally offered a kid a dog treat instead of their dog. He ate it. While his mom watched. FML
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Top comments
Isandri 29
Well, you did your job anyway. At least you strengthened the kids' immune system. How on earth would anyone assume that it was a dog treat?!
Spark_Slicker 19
Maybe that was the first time he let the dog eat out of it to just finish the rest? Hopefully, at least.
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Comments (40)
Isandri 29
Well, you did your job anyway. At least you strengthened the kids' immune system. How on earth would anyone assume that it was a dog treat?!
kayposion 17
I hear dogs mouths are cleaner than ours!
OysterPearls 33
15, I've seen dogs eat crap, lick their own behinds, and stick their faces in the behinds of other dogs. Pretty sure their mouths aren't cleaner than ours.
Arestian 14
im pretty sure alot of people do that too as well
Jowisee 29
You don't know where #15's mouth has been.
Catdragon 40
people do that too but call it sex
Mmaster116 11
Mythbusters had tested the myth, found out a dog's mouth is cleaner than a human's.
muzy 23
#26 Eat faeces? what kind of intercourse are you having, for the love of God?
MikaykayUnicorn 36
#34, I have four words for you: Two girls, one cup.
DMA0712 22
Are you sure the kids ate their sandwiches and didn't just give them to the dog?
daltond27 10
Either way, OP ate one also.
pphead 5
The dad couldn't label the container or anything? Lmao I'm sorry that happened op, at least you had good intentions. But FYL.
DocBastard 40
I never did understand why so many dog owners let their dogs lick their faces. Do they not realise where their dogs' tongues have been? You may as well rub your face directly in cat shit.
ChimeraThorne 19
Thank you, someone with common sense. My in-laws think it's funny when their dog licks my kids faces (6 months and 4 years), and can't understand why I am so against it, because "he's just saying hello".
Spark_Slicker 19
Maybe that was the first time he let the dog eat out of it to just finish the rest? Hopefully, at least.
MetalxSoldier 26
I highly doubt it but I hope you're right.
tantanpanda 26
If OP made the kids' sandwiches first, the dog's saliva might not have gotten on OP's sandwich. I don't think I'm a good optimist.
HappyItalian 38
If I had a peanut butter jar uniquely used as a dog treat, I don't think I would place it with the food that I eat.
Greattitan2 13
At least the father did not use the peanut butter for a darker purpose
Morning_fml 22
Nobody in their right mind would use peanut butter for a "darker purpose".
HappyItalian 38
Yes, because that's exactly what he wants to do as soon as he gets home in front of his kids and the babysitter.
JustinJK 21
I use peanut butter for darker purposes :):)
Lalala579121 28
Look at the bright side, it's still better than if they had drunk out of the toilet.
Jowisee 29
Ugh, thats disgusting. Why some people think it's OK to do things like that, I'll never know.
chaseafterwind82 29
'IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!'