Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, I got into a stupid argument with an internet troll, who ended up making me so furious that I threw my laptop straight through my window. My dad will be home any minute. I'm a dead man. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a heated argument. He raised his hand like he was going to hit me. Having been hit by my ex before, I panicked and instinctively kicked his legs out from under him. He then dumped me because he said he was just gonna scare me, but I used real violence on him. FML
Today, I confronted my boyfriend about him and his female friend’s friendship making me uncomfortable. He responded by throwing the mother of all fits and punching a hole in the wall. He said I have to pay for the repair, because I "made him do it." FML
Today, my boyfriend starting going off on me, calling me a psycho, all because I opened our bedroom door while he was in there. FML
Today, my wife threw my Macbook out a window and tore up important work documents, all because she saw me talking to a female colleague of mine. I confronted her about the damage, and she responded, "Go ask the bitch you were with the other day to help you with that." FML
Today, we had an argument and my husband called my mother right in front me. Two minutes later, she was on his side and yelling at me on FaceTime that I’m a bad wife, a pain in the ass, and a nagging bitch. The argument was about him leaving tools around for me to step on and cut my foot open with. FML
Today, I shut the door to the bedroom so my wife and I could have a serious talk. Unfortunately, the cat stuck his paw under the door and started flailing around, causing me to bust up laughing at a bad moment. My wife was furious, threw a water bottle at me, and locked me out overnight. FML
Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML
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Top comments
HSOMGF 5
You're on here bragging that you almost hit your husband with a laptop? Get some help, please.
suavesuave 2
If it was the guy hitting his wife with a laptop the comments would be much different
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Comments (226)
stewartdolan 0
That's more awesome than anything!
IndiRae 9
I imagined a big family of black people on the other side of the wall with their ears pressed up listening to the fight. Is that wrong? Oops.
slick5880 22
Just remember the golden rule. Violence is always the answer!
cudi504 4
Yea in an argument always assault the other person with the most expensive thing you can find, that really helps the situation lol
KarateDom327 0
Nah it's not bad. I think that's what they prefer to entertain themselves with, at the moment. I do this all the time to my family.
PeachyJinx 7
Not wrong, just extremely sad. (-_-t)
QuisMysterium 4
Even bacon?
ddmdgzy 1
spill the beans the phrase is funny haha
skullcandifiedDJ 5
You might as well have threw a bunch of hundred dollar bills at him.... That'd teach him...
raydaly 5
wow ... **** just burn in hell and go 2 jail !!!!!
FollowMe 2
Ahahaha. Creeper? But he/she's totally right. Don't be his bitch. You're with him. xD Good Luck.
CaptainCola 7
But why would you choose a laptop over everything else in your apartment?
Meme1988 18
Soooo, did you hit him with it?! Yes? No?!
captaincook_fml 1
Fml makes no sense, sounds like they were on your side, this should be a fml from him not you...
TheDog6 24
How do you know that OP's husband was the one to blame for the argument? It could have been just as easily OP fault. And started the whole ordeal.
DarkMoon159 5
should have used something heavier
slick5880 22
Desktop computer! She should have used a desktop computer. That's much heavier than a laptop.
StoryOfTheYear 15
**** it. Grab the 92 inch.
ATSViper 15
Would be hilarious to see.
AngryCanadian 0
Perhaps one of the weapons she's more accustomed to... A kitchen knife :3
Meme1988 18
Everything allowed in love and war (fights), right?
itsame0987 18
Not necessarily heavier, but there are better choices if you are going to attack him with electronics. Should have used an old Nokia or original Blackberry. Those phones can take a beating and still continue to work.
DHoffmann 9
No! Not the laptop! Use a frying pan instead!
m0tl3ycru3 0
Cheaper and more effective xD
StoryOfTheYear 15
23- Hopefully you're not talking about the bail OP is going to need to pay after getting arrested for assault.
DHoffmann 9
Way to think ahead, my friend. I for sure, was not thinking of that.
signuplogin 1
4- pic goes great with comment!
Arimaetheshammy 6
Your neighbor is win.
cosmosis 12
However, your comment is not...
WCARlover 35
Your grammar is not win
StoryOfTheYear 15
Your punctuation isn't either.
cosmosis 12
Im pretty sure the comma is meant to be there as im using the word however in conjunction with a sentence... Look it up before criticising my use of the english language
StoryOfTheYear 15
^^^ Lol... Calm down son. I wasn't talking to you. Sorry for the misunderstanding. I was referring to the comment above mine for missing a period. Speaking of which...
WCARlover 35
Who assaults people with something as valuable as a laptop?
stewartdolan 0
Remember it was a woman
FollowMe 2
Remember, that was a woman that just said that.
StoryOfTheYear 15
6- I know, whatever happened to just throwing your phone at the perpetrator?
bemylove123 9
She didn't say it was her laptop...If it was his she probably just didn't care?
WCARlover 35
Har Har 8 youre so funny
feldco1 17
I don't understand how assaulting him would have made everything better
suavesuave 2
Don't try and reason with stupid people u will just sink down to their level !
DisappearingRose 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
It shuts him up.
xiaoxaio 5
cant argue with an unconsious person
geon_olam 17
Wait aren't you supposed to fight fire with fire? Dammit I always mix that saying up...
G0v3nat0r 7
YDI for trying to assault him, especially with a laptop
ninjuh_wingman 29
Thats stupid trying to assault someone with a laptop. Plus your neighbor has just won called life.
ThatOneCanadian 0
as soon as i read "i tried to assault him" i knew it was going downhill
wishfulmidget 0
yea YDI this 1000% but that neighbor's comment is priceless XD
HetaliaFreak 10
Today, my wife and I got into and argument. We were yelling at each other, when she started to get violent. This wouldn't have been so bad, if the neighbor next door hadn't starting supporting her. FML
drawmesunshine 17
I don't know about OP deserving this 1000%.. I took it like maybe the husband verbally or physically abuses OP, and the neighbor was sympathizing. Granted OP definitely handled it the wrong way. I'm just saying that we don't know the whole story, and we can't just assume OP to be a husband beater when it could be quite a bit more complicated than that.
Yodaevil 4
It's great how a female goes to hit a male, they are encouraged. Of course if the situation was flipped, the male would of been fried first thing for hitting a woman. Either way seems like this relationship is on the fast track to C.O.P.S!
Jovecove 13
Yeah, don't use a laptop to assault somebody! Unless it's a MacBook...
Discombobulated9 12
See, a guy wouldn't write this on Fmylife because he would be spending the night behind bars for domestic violence; which is exactly what you deserve.
JayElleBee 15
I'm curious 108, if the situation had been flipped and it was a man attempting to assault his wife with a laptop, would you have jumped in to say that we can't blame the guy because after all his wife might have been verbally or physically abusing him? Hm? I doubt it.
Bourne_ 5
Funny neighbor x]
drawmesunshine 17
137, First off, I'm not saying we can't blame OP because she might be just lashing back. If she is abused, she still handled things in a less than ideal way, so she is to blame. But the neighbor egging her on like that, to me, hints at a history that we can only leave to our imaginations. If the roles were switched, and the neighbor told the husband to "do what you gotta do," then yes, I would say maybe she abuses him. Granted, you hear far fewer stories of wife-on-husband abuse and it's less likely, but the possibility still stands. And another possibility that has been overlooked is maybe they're both men. I'm certain there are abusive homosexual relationships. Who, then, would you sympathize?
mufc4everch 2
I would sympathize with the person who is abused, gender is really irrelevant in such a case.
skizza_fml 3
If they were both male why would the neighbor say "do what you gotta do, GIRL"
DarylAndrew 2
137- women get encouraged to beat their men. If a guy yelled that out in the room, their neighbor would've called the cops
EvilDave 13
There is no reason to assume the OP isn't just a husband beater. You are just making excuses for her and her assaulting her husband because you want to believe he deserves it.
downtime 13
Oh now I get it, the FML is that you just realised you're a big sack of human waste, right? Right?
flockz 20
i'm sure he was more worried about his ****.
LouisianaBob 9
why watch **** when you could have sex with a crazy person?
lex1459 38
Wow.. Thin walls or loud voices?
suavesuave 2
Does it matter? Lol totally irrelevant
RawEndo 1
i think both lol
Seduisant 7
Arguing would typically mean yelling unless you're whisper-arguing.
Yodaevil 4
Thats what living in the projects are like.
jomo111 5
They are yelling dumbs/-/!t of coarse their voices can be heard through a wall
pins91 27
Why is it “hilarious” when a woman abuses a man, but scream abuse when it’s the other way round? Abuse is still abuse!!!