Today, I witnessed my dad rummage through his nostrils, thoughtfully examine the contents, and flick them nonchalantly onto the carpet. All of this he did with the biggest demented grin on his face. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML
Today, my dad came to visit me. By visit I mean he arrived, took a huge smelly dump and left. This is the first time I've seen my dad in months. FML
Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML
Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML
Today, I watched in horror as my dad picked up a dead centipede, placed it on his tongue, and then swallowed it. FML
Today, I saw my dad pick his teeth with a toothpick from a new box. He ate the food he got out of his teeth and put the toothpick back. FML
Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML
Today, I discovered that every morning at around 3:00 my dad takes a monumental dump in my bathroom. When I confronted him about it he denied it. He still does it. FML
Today, I walked in on my son's new habit. Sticking his finger up his ass, farting on it, and smelling it. Apparently, the scent is the purest then. FML
Today, while cleaning the house, I discovered that my husband has been making a little mountain of whatever he finds up his nose on the underside of our couch when he watches TV. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
princesspeachxox 18
Looks like he's getting his boogie on- on the carpet ;)
bedforddanesss 14
I've seen my brothers (who are 20 and up) do that constantly. I feel sorry you OP.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (37)
bedforddanesss 14
I've seen my brothers (who are 20 and up) do that constantly. I feel sorry you OP.
kaitieloo 22
At least you know he is getting protein?
KittyLahv 27
The OP stated that he flicked his snot on the carpet, not that he ate it.
badluckalex 23
since when do boogers contain protein?
wallamanut 14
I looked this up just to make sure that it was a plausible scenario, but apparently whey protein can increase the production of mucus. so it could be looked at in that way as well.
MrsDruidess 23
maybe it would be better if he ate them, at least they wouldnt be on the carpet. . .
princesspeachxox 18
Looks like he's getting his boogie on- on the carpet ;)
IvyOswin 17
He's digging for gold to pay the bills.
NeoMatrix25 12
You're never too gold, to go digging for gold!
BadApple88 29
Ugh gross. I hope you never walk in your house with bare feet. Boogers. Boogers everywhere.
emeraldisle 30
Nose mining is a great way to pass the time.
iTzSelverZz 14
Talk to him about it ?
salvorican 24
Looks like he's hinting that he wants tissues for Christmas. Cue boys who cry: "When my tear ducts get issue, I can't use just any tissue"
cakefete2 31
A nose in need, deserves puffs plus, indeed!
patwo8 14
That's gross