Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML
Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML
Today, Father Christmas touched my ass in a shopping mall. I'm a bit worried about what's going to happen on Christmas Day. FML
Today, I took the 6 year old I'm babysitting to the mall to see Santa after weeks of her begging. We got there in time to see him get out of his Prius and dress in the parking lot. FML
Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML
Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML
Today, my 8-year-old daughter was throwing a tantrum, and I said "Keep this up and I'll tell Santa to take your presents back." She told me I don't even know Santa, at which point I accidentally blurted that I'm "Santa". FML
Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML
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Top comments
unidentified_sta 5
Well... It beats the present being for your daughter at least. Santa has got a nice treat for you stowed away in his sack.
Doortje 30
I bet it was big :D
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Comments (207)
All_For_Love 0
Nasty. Oh well, your DEFINITLY not getting coal in your stocking this year...
Daddymo 14
Lies. No one's allowed to sit on Santa's lap anymore, for that very reason.
Gummyworms90210 0
thats actually not true. I have seen so many little kids sit on santas lap this year.
flamingsandstorm 0
Maybe in your country, but it happens everywhere in the US.
Talia_91 13
so either Santa has a huge one or you could not sit by a dudes penis. why not sit on his knee away from the crotch area if you don't wanna feel him get a boner.
ImaginaryFoe 1
Right. Why were you sitting in lap dance range, OP? You shouldn't even be putting your whole weight on him, just sort of squat/lean on the knee. You apparently jumped in his lap like he was your sugar daddy and got the natural reaction.
RedPillSucks 33
Santa should be doing this, making sure that people sit on his knee and not his lap. However, you're right that she should have been aware. But I imagine that it's been such a long time since she's sat on santa that it slipped her mind. Not every one thinks of this stuff.
HomeAl0ne 20
She was sitting on his knee....
London999 0
Hope he didn't heart your bum!! -:)
xGUMMYBEARSx 0
coal?
luvpinks 0
mom was sitting on the wrong spot .. ur supposed to b on his lap not directly on his thang
dramaa 0
don't get to excited. it was probably his crack-pipe
LAXgurlie28 0
haha made him jolly(:
Jaydos 0
I love MILFS!!!
Gr1mr3ap3r 4
there the BEST!!!!
frear 0
Santa got his present
GotALife 11
#67 santa isnt to have present