Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML
Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML
Today, Father Christmas touched my ass in a shopping mall. I'm a bit worried about what's going to happen on Christmas Day. FML
Today, I took the 6 year old I'm babysitting to the mall to see Santa after weeks of her begging. We got there in time to see him get out of his Prius and dress in the parking lot. FML
Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML
Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML
Today, my 8-year-old daughter was throwing a tantrum, and I said "Keep this up and I'll tell Santa to take your presents back." She told me I don't even know Santa, at which point I accidentally blurted that I'm "Santa". FML
Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML
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Top comments
unidentified_sta 5
Well... It beats the present being for your daughter at least. Santa has got a nice treat for you stowed away in his sack.
Doortje 30
I bet it was big :D
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Comments (207)
Bagel09 11
so of course it's creepy for him to have a boner but its natural part of the body no? From what I have read one can only assume the hard on was for the mother and not a child. Do you not think he felt very embarrassed having uncontrollable boner? Nowhere in this
Bagel09 11
fml does it say he smiled about it or made any sexual jesters to her like in other fmls. today as Santa claus an attractive lady sat on my lap and I couldn't help but get an uncontrollable irection.
Kraly 0
of course its natural for him to get a boner but it isnt professional. Im not gunna say he should be able to control it, but an old guy in a santa costume getting a boner just creeps most ppl out, and i highly doubt she woulda said "oh let me help with that"
Bagel09 11
yeah of course it's creepy but you can't say it's unprofessional then say it's natural.
daznad 0
sexual jesters? lol that's an image I can't get out of my head now! I think you meant gestures but for hilarities sake I'm glad you got it wrong
purpleamandapand 6
it's funny and that's all that matters xD
DarkHelmet 10
Santa knows you've been nice now he wants to get naughty!! LOL
beachyballerina 12
LOL
jagd 0
he gonna throw a sack down your chimney
yazmi_09 3
win
TEG8OY 0
better yet, Santa is gonna be 'comin' down her chimney :p
ilovemydoodle123 0
LOL 48:)
jagd 0
nice one 88
perdix 31
The most disgusting thing is that Santa is a pedo and got fired up over the kid, but Mommy squashed the package. But you're a good mom for taking one for the team.
WingsFan80 4
you are an idiot
Ninjafriends 1
+1 for mommy taking one for the team.
gusgus36 5
ahaha...awkward
Elizabeth123654 0
giggity.. your pretty
moosemonkey1000 6
And you're creepy.
grandpaearthling 2
thanks hotmommy you made this part time loser job into a winner. maybe later you can sit and wiggle that MILF ass for Santa in private
Moemoemoe_fml 0
That is pretty disgusting, yeah. D: FYL. On the good side, you can tell yourself that at least he poked you with his erection, and not your little daughter. (With so many depraved people out there, it was perfectly possible. Maybe you shielded her...)
firemanrob 0
so i'm guessing your a milf?
Lisa89 3
*So, I'm guessing you're a MILF?
RedPillSucks 33
Is it bad that I thought of a poster of Santa with a boner and a caption "Got MILF?"
you_freak 7
HO HO HO!! Merry Christmas!!
Mubus 0
Hoe Alert :P
mrjmaster1234 0
ewww
Pb25797051 0
immature prude
azhein 0
So your a immature prude for thinking it is disgusting to sit on some old mans boner?