Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML
Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML
Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML
Today, my 8-year-old daughter was throwing a tantrum, and I said "Keep this up and I'll tell Santa to take your presents back." She told me I don't even know Santa, at which point I accidentally blurted that I'm "Santa". FML
Today, I took the 6 year old I'm babysitting to the mall to see Santa after weeks of her begging. We got there in time to see him get out of his Prius and dress in the parking lot. FML
Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML
Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML
Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML
Today, my daughter ran up to an old man with a white beard and a red sweater because she thought he might be Santa. He was a homeless dude, drunk at 9 in the morning. He told her to either give him money or f**k off, then screamed at her that "Santa’s not real, grow up r*tard." She’s still crying FML
Today, my son told me the Christmas letter he wrote to Santa was a joke and he didn't want the stuff he asked for. I already bought everything. FML
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Top comments
eminemop 0
Whisper back: "and I wanted a boy, but that didn't happen either."
doonerz 0
is she getting one?
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Comments (254)
tellithowitis 13
You're going to wake up in a box
kirsty1551 3
dressed as Santa.
ReesesPuffs 0
Yeah... NO.
sweetpea9008 2
What the ****! ? So rude! Want me to tell you that your gonna wake up in a box? Obviously he didnt wanna hear that so why would you add to it & say shit like that?
cosmosis 12
For someone who tells it like it is, tellithowitis, you do talk a fair amount of Bullshit... Just sayin
aceman1992 9
93- what the hell are you talking about?
KailyKii 11
93 - Seriously? Calm the **** down.
Lily_lops95 0
People like you are annoying
Metal_Chick 15
Wait.. What? If she wants a new dad, why the hell will OP be the one in the box?.. By the way, sorry OP nothing hurts more than a loved one telling you they don't want you in their lives.
doonerz 0
is she getting one?
TherealMort 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
"put her lips to my ear and whispered softly" Did anyone else think this was Gunna be dirty?
Schizomaniac 24
No, considering OP's daughter is a child and that's pretty freaking disgusting.
roserm 2
I pervert would dumbass
ellakacyme22 6
What are you a pervet or a piedo. You disgust me
Jimster1712 0
He is not a pervet or piedo, but a pervert and pedophile
Xx_FuckedLife_xX 0
ME. I did. lol
ABarrelHorseGirl 8
#135, Your icon makes your comment that much better
123amanda123 14
awe that's sad :( ... maybe she was just embarrassed you dressed up as Santa ... hopefully she didn't mean it
nadyy14 8
Omg, poor you :( she probably doesn't know how awesome you are :D
UrCapsLockOn 12
do you even know how AWESOME is he ... ???
nadyy14 8
It's to boost his spirit!
boofgall 16
Nady has the right idea! Kids minds are very in-the-moment with most of their thoughts until they mature more. She could've just been upset about something.
FarSide 23
Well FHL twice if he came to this site looking for sympathy.
MyEpicDemise 7
Of course he is awesome. He's Santa!
cosmosis 12
Anyone who has the balls to dress up as santa in a crowded place is definately awesome! All about making the kids happy. FYL OP.
alival 12
U know sometimes kids learn this stuff from TV shows!
Istalkrexgar2000_fml 0
Awe. I'm sorry OP. Kids say the damndest things.
Awsumuzzie 12
Awe. Commenters repeat the samest things.
soccerguy2 11
68- he said this comment before anyone else said it so he didnt say the same thing
poopdollar123 4
awe. muslims say the dumbest things.
Awsumuzzie 12
100, oh, it must be some deja vu thing with me since I see it all the time... My bad.
mk58 31
No, 100, it's true, only that it's not the same person saying it over and over again. It's just that every single time an FML involves a kid, at least one person has to pull that line out of their ass.
soccerguy2 11
Yeah but he was the first person in this FML to say it so say it to the other 10 people who put it after him.
soccerguy2 11
I mean her not him
eminemop 0
Whisper back: "and I wanted a boy, but that didn't happen either."
rumorofwar1 3
Hahahahahahahaha!!! Awesome
mrosew442 10
71- OP is a guy, he was dressing up as Santa
Honda288 2
Best comment on this FML!
fenixtorador1 11
Daaaamn haha 370 likes haha, epic win!
DiscoReject 2
Gold.
justcallmemini 15
best comment :) haha
ronnieboo 0
Unacceptable!! Kuz of all this rejection, there's so much suicides
CherryCola46 5
I just died laughing.
jenniferlane0727 9
According to the FML, it shows OP as a woman so I'm confused on this one
BADFalcon 4
oh ouch, i'm sorry :(
zero2020 2
There must be something your doing wrong.. Kids usually love there parentsz
KiddNYC1O 22
That was tragic.
Savra_fml 17
Just a heads up, but if you are teaching your kids grammar and spelling, you are doing it wrong too.
kirsty1551 3
merry christmas! XD
nadyy14 8
Awww :( I'm pretty sure she didn't really mean it