Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML
Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML
Today, Father Christmas touched my ass in a shopping mall. I'm a bit worried about what's going to happen on Christmas Day. FML
Today, I took the 6 year old I'm babysitting to the mall to see Santa after weeks of her begging. We got there in time to see him get out of his Prius and dress in the parking lot. FML
Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML
Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML
Today, my 8-year-old daughter was throwing a tantrum, and I said "Keep this up and I'll tell Santa to take your presents back." She told me I don't even know Santa, at which point I accidentally blurted that I'm "Santa". FML
Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML
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Top comments
unidentified_sta 5
Well... It beats the present being for your daughter at least. Santa has got a nice treat for you stowed away in his sack.
Doortje 30
I bet it was big :D
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Comments (207)
Adchou11 0
BONER!!!
red1fox1demon 0
oh wow...I would have slapped the Santa and yelled"perv",but yea that's just me.
DaniPickles 0
Talk about Ho Ho Ho
missIrene 6
Aren't you supposed to sit on his knee and not his erection? to prevent crap like that
soccerchica04 0
he had a bigggggg one!!!!:D
lunkness_monster 0
At least your daughter didn't feel it on her small, tight, rockin bum
lovingmylife84 0
if you're that trashy to get drunk at a work party then I hope you get fired.
jjluv456 11
a boner?
Xenmas021 3
You must have been dressed like a HO HO HO.
yaknowiverse 0
pwned!!!