Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML
Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML
Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML
Today, Father Christmas touched my ass in a shopping mall. I'm a bit worried about what's going to happen on Christmas Day. FML
Today, I walked into the Macy's bathroom to find Santa taking a dump with the door open. Merry Christmas. FML
Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML
Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Today, I was mugged by a guy in a Santa suit. FML
Today, I found out that if you whistle Christmas carols while shitting in a public bathroom, a little boy might just look under the stall to see if Santa is pooping. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
kindlystfupls 0
gotta love Creeper Clause.. FYL. go take a shower and scrub away as much dirty as you can! lol
Jimboom 12
Lol. Creeper Santa has got some awesome lines. Can't blame him though. It is after all Santa's MO to go around emptying his sack down your chimney. ;-)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (141)
kindlystfupls 0
gotta love Creeper Clause.. FYL. go take a shower and scrub away as much dirty as you can! lol
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
Wow I think i have a new hero, you should of agreed just imagine the perks of being mrs clause
Lounia_fml 8
YOU'RE ON MY LIST, HO HO HO!
Shadow_Phantom 26
Oh sure, just because she was sexually harassed means she was dressed like a ****. -.-
Notimetobleed 14
Santas spending too much time with the hoe hoe hoes and not enough time making presents for little 12 year old children :(
Notimetobleed 14
Santas spending too much time with the hoe hoe hoes and not enough time making presents for little 12 year old children :(
ryanst 7
You better not shout, You better not cry, You better watch out, I'm tellin' you why. Santa claus is grabbing your ass.
lalagirl912 0
8 year old* not 12.. well usually not 12. alot of 12 year olds(sister) don't even ask for presents anymore o.O neither or her friends, but they are more mature in the groups. I would still ask for something to >.> 8 year olds just makes more sense. (I'm about to be hated on..)
Mubus 0
well for that Santa hoes before bros.
chadkind 0
and latter you found out it was your hillbilly brother/boyfriend bahahaha
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
WTH?
Notimetobleed 14
lalagirl, tell your sister to believe in Santa clause (one extra gift a year, who wouldn't take that chance?)
rachelmacivor 0
where are all the pedosantas around here? ;D
CameronJak 0
more like your on my ho ho ho list
PSQ91 6
Christmas eve's gonna be sucky :)
babyyappld 7
yeah sleep with one eye open or he might come down your chimney ;)
Lounia_fml 8
You're my HO! HO! HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Lounia_fml 8
You're my HO! HO! HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!
rgermain 0
best.Santa.ever
almighty_zer 5
no need to say oops
iluffmcrandbvb 1
2 is rlly cuteee
bestnameright 14
Just because it doesn't seem like you guys got it he was making a pun I think.
chocchipcookies 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Shit happens dude, but take it as a compliment too :)
stuffhappens223 7
Idiot
pedosmurf 7
He touching you once he's touching you again santas coming to town..... To touch you skin flute solo!
jewban 3
LOL you like it bitch don't you
jrad1982 0
that's hot lol
goldenone 2
you're a bitch. I hope you get punched in the chest
shay224ah 5
jingle balls!
Jimboom 12
Lol. Creeper Santa has got some awesome lines. Can't blame him though. It is after all Santa's MO to go around emptying his sack down your chimney. ;-)
yourlifesfucked 0
Holy shit that just ruined FMA for me. I just read that in Alfonse' voice =(.
MidnightBlossom 2
I think you need to lay off on the alchemy...
felipe87 2
should have called the cops on the bad Santa
hollyjeez 0
that's a good movie
Diplomatz 0
Get more ugly.
RiskiBusiness 1
haha
Jester7 0
that's awesome, I bet he has fun doing that stuff
papaya_master 4
Sounds horrid. Sorry to hear that!
shay224ah 5
OP you should have kicked him in the nuts and said...."oops ..JINGLE BALLS"
damselchelle 4
I LOL'ed in my pants.
lizza0786 0
hahaha lmfaoooo