Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML
Today, I took the 6 year old I'm babysitting to the mall to see Santa after weeks of her begging. We got there in time to see him get out of his Prius and dress in the parking lot. FML
Today, I took my kids to the mall to see Santa. While waiting in line, my eldest got bored and loudly complained, "I don't know why we're here. Santa's not even real." I don't think any of the kids within a hundred feet took the news very well. FML
Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML
Today, my 16 year-old son had a tantrum over me asking him to clean up his room, and decided to tell my 6 year-old daughter that Santa isn't real, and that it was me who bought her presents. My daughter is inconsolable. FML
Today, my daughter ran up to an old man with a white beard and a red sweater because she thought he might be Santa. He was a homeless dude, drunk at 9 in the morning. He told her to either give him money or f**k off, then screamed at her that "Santa’s not real, grow up r*tard." She’s still crying FML
Today, I went to a Christmas-themed amusement park with my 21-year-old autistic sister who adores Christmas. She took her picture with Santa and started crying happy tears. Then Santa asked her loudly, "Aren't you beyond old enough to know I'm not real?" Vacation ruined. FML
Today, my 8-year-old daughter was throwing a tantrum, and I said "Keep this up and I'll tell Santa to take your presents back." She told me I don't even know Santa, at which point I accidentally blurted that I'm "Santa". FML
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Top comments
ManInTheMachine 20
I would be sobbing too if a kid had enough strength to rip every one of Santa's hairs out of their follicles. Imagine the pain! . . .That IS what happened, right?
DocBastard 40
I never understood the draw of taking your young children to sit on a stranger's lap. In what other situation would this be ok?
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Comments (82)
pedosmurf 7
That's terrible for the kids in line. Just say its on of santas helpers? Good luck haha
howdeedoo 22
But they've already told them that it's Santa. It's a little late to change the story.
lelo007 11
I told my sisters that Santa has a lot of helpers to visit the children since he can't be everywhere at once. It worked extremely well.
pedosmurf 7
Well kids are really guliable though?
Bright_Lights 14
It seems you too are GULLIBLE.
ManInTheMachine 20
I would be sobbing too if a kid had enough strength to rip every one of Santa's hairs out of their follicles. Imagine the pain! . . .That IS what happened, right?
Stalkerloo 11
Damn, kids pulling out beards? The hell are they putting in the water these days?
liv2ski97 4
It's whatever that face-eater guy was on. That stuff's potent!
Rancor 5
It's gamma radiation water.
ShyAnn29 15
53, it was bath salts
emeraldisle 30
You've got some major damage control to do. Not only for the kids but the parents too.
Leadamp 7
Yes, listen to the Christmas tree.
Jeffo193 13
You could try explaining to the kids that it wasn't the real Santa as he's busy preparing to deliver all the presents?
nochopstix 10
That's what I tell my daughter. All the Santa's and Easter Bunnies in the shopping centres are just "helpers" because the real ones are far too busy organizing presents/eggs.
Welshite 40
They aren't lies Noor! SANTA IS REAL!!!
ManInTheMachine 20
I think Noor was talking about the "lies" surrounding Santa's beard. I mean, think about it: a man St. Nick's age would NEVER have a beard as long and flowing as that. He would be a balding, beardless golden oldie with type 2 diabetes! It's only logical.
DocBastard 40
I never understood the draw of taking your young children to sit on a stranger's lap. In what other situation would this be ok?
ManInTheMachine 20
The Easter bunny, duh. "Is that a carrot in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" On second thought, maybe not.
Pleonasm 36
Neverland Ranch, back in the day. On second thoughts, I concur with MITM
perdix 31
Hooters.
TipOfTheHat 10
Are you telling me santa's not real???? Awww haw hawww sniff sniff
lelo007 11
This is one of those "Santa can't be everywhere at once, so he has helpers who take your Christmas list back to him" moments. Easy damage control. Good luck and Merry Christmas!
ecks51 3
It's also one of those moments the OP could choose to stop to the kid. I doubt that's going to happen though.
lelo007 11
Well, the beard was already pulled down.. Not much to stop after that haha. But yea, there'd be a nice little swat on the rear end waiting for my child. That's not cool.
raisinbam 13
If you got it on video, that's gonna be great to show to her boyfriends in the future.