Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML
Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML
Today, Father Christmas touched my ass in a shopping mall. I'm a bit worried about what's going to happen on Christmas Day. FML
Today, I took the 6 year old I'm babysitting to the mall to see Santa after weeks of her begging. We got there in time to see him get out of his Prius and dress in the parking lot. FML
Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML
Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML
Today, my 8-year-old daughter was throwing a tantrum, and I said "Keep this up and I'll tell Santa to take your presents back." She told me I don't even know Santa, at which point I accidentally blurted that I'm "Santa". FML
Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML
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Top comments
unidentified_sta 5
Well... It beats the present being for your daughter at least. Santa has got a nice treat for you stowed away in his sack.
Doortje 30
I bet it was big :D
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Comments (207)
enoughgrace 4
This is an age old "tail". it's "hard" to tell if the mom liked it or not, "butt" at least she found the time to "stick it up" on fml. I wouldn't "ride" the guy about being a pedo though, I'm sure this "twist" in clientele brought a "happy ending" to his day!
Lisa89 3
If i ever have children, I am telling them santa isn't real and never taking them to see 'santa'
Ninjafriends 1
You deserve it for sitting directly on his crotch, grinding your bottom against his goods, then complaining about how Santa got an unsolicited boner... all so you can feel like a hottie, when you're actually just good at grinding.
KateKlem 0
is no one else worried that her little girl felt the "present" too? that being said, she wouldn't have known what it was, but that would have been a mighty awkward conversation;)
RedPillSucks 33
Some people will get a hardon if you put a brick in their lap. It doesn't always mean they're turned on. Sometimes it's just a physical thing.
skyeyez9 25
Are you sure the boner was from you? Could be a pedo volunteering as santa and got it from your child, sitting on his lap. Pedos gravitate towards jobs and activities that place them in contact with children. Pedo hundreds of kids sitting his lap=awesome job for the bastard.
emodude44 0
MERRY CHRISTMAS! SANTA WANTS YOU TO BE HIS HO HO HO!
HomeAl0ne 20
Santa only comes once a year, so you should feel honoured he picked you.
AmberHall 2
Don't flatter yourself sweetheart. It was your daughter he was after.
tavmaister 0
that is a good news lady....