Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML
Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML
Today, Father Christmas touched my ass in a shopping mall. I'm a bit worried about what's going to happen on Christmas Day. FML
Today, I took the 6 year old I'm babysitting to the mall to see Santa after weeks of her begging. We got there in time to see him get out of his Prius and dress in the parking lot. FML
Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML
Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML
Today, my 8-year-old daughter was throwing a tantrum, and I said "Keep this up and I'll tell Santa to take your presents back." She told me I don't even know Santa, at which point I accidentally blurted that I'm "Santa". FML
Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML
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Top comments
unidentified_sta 5
Well... It beats the present being for your daughter at least. Santa has got a nice treat for you stowed away in his sack.
Doortje 30
I bet it was big :D
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Comments (207)
GotALife 11
Ew..hope he wasnt old : I hope you arent too.
GotALife 11
Dont Santa have a wife? Oh that's very notty of him....
Pb25797051 0
we can't control our hard-ons
GotALife 11
#76 lol I see
alaaparis 4
Well that means you are hot,
GotALife 11
#72 Santa needs to see where he's at.Chilern everywhere, you know?
ulicksam 0
I doubt he made the present that fast. The present was for your daughter and all the kids before her. How stupid can you be letting your kid sit on a stranger's lap these days? YDI.
GotALife 11
#73 true there are sex offenders out to take a hold of innocent little NICE and NAUGHTY kids.
babez11 0
i bet santa ment for the boner to rip through both pants and into u!! lol JOKES!!! but seriously thats gross
GotALife 11
#85 thank you
macskapingvin 0
I tried to get a job as a santa this year.
ringogrey 4
that's hot
angelbaby01 0
that doesn't seem right if he's working with children and getting excited you should report him OP!!!!
Scorch117 0
Hey, when are you gonna unwrap his package, OP? ;)
evagrace227 3
horny old Santa. merry Christmas :)