Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at a baseball game. This kid in front of me had binoculars and was constantly shouting. Trying to amuse the girl next to me, I leaned over and said, "That kid probably has wet dreams about baseball." She got up and said to the kid, "Come on honey, we're leaving." FML
Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML
Today, while at a football game, I had my arm around my girlfriend. We were really close and I was just about to kiss her when suddenly her phone rang. It was her dad, telling her he's watching. FML
Today, I got a boner at the dentist's. FML
Today, my girlfriend's parents walked in on us having sex. Not only did her dad make me walk out to my truck with no clothes on, he is my baseball coach and I will be seeing him on Monday. FML
Today, I went to an amateur baseball game with some family and friends. When our team hit a home run, my grandpa took it upon himself to start screaming wildly, removing his prosthetic leg and waving it jubilantly in the air. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, after pulling up to my girlfriend's house for dinner with her parents, one of my favorite songs begin to play on the radio. After my 3 minutes of air drumming, I look up to see my girlfriend and her parents bouncing with laughter. FML
Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML
Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML
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Top comments
ShadowlessSpear 21
Hopefully he didnt ask what it was and poke it.
imlifeless2 25
Oh say, can you see? By my dick's early rise...
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Comments (165)
PrincessSnow 2
I read this as OP going to the baseball game with HIS dad....and was seriously creeped out until I terraforming this....
PrincessSnow 2
Reread* damn autocorrect
tournamentdecide 33
I first read this as, "Today, my dad had sex with his daughter to last longer. FML." so I think we both failed at a first time read.
calucalay 13
i hear the anthem gets messed up a lot so it suprisingly needs a good portion of attention so that would make sense to sing that to last longer
mageepaigeee44 15
My ex used to think about oatmeal because it's the least sexy thing he could come up with.
TogeBara 12
Do math instead, it works better for most and you are smarter in the long run.
kookysoc 11
L M F A O O O
chosha_fml 27
Oh, say, did he see?
RayvenWhite 12
LOL dude, that's just awkward for you but highly entertaining for us. XD
thisplacesucks93 2
Freedom boner
Pandaburr1 15
America gets me hard too
GnaR_KiLL5150 12
Anticipa-rection