Today, my grandfather gave me a whole box of records to go with my new record player. When I thanked him, he said he'd been needing to get rid of them anyway because classical music makes him horny. I definitely didn't need to know that. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I asked my father if I could have my grandfather's old vinyls, record player, and vintage tube radio. He told me he threw those out years ago because, "Who listens to that crap anymore, now that we have mp3s?" FML
Today, I found out that my great-grandmother was a cougar, seducing men who were barely older than I am now. I did not need to know this information. Thanks Grandma. FML
Today, I received a really nice red satin set of underwear, with a bra, a thong and a corset... From my grandfather. FML
Today, my grandfather found my diary laying in the living room, and for some reason thought it was an interesting reading material. Oh well, he found out that I'm a lesbian, then panicked and basically outed me to my entire family. I really hope they have reservations in Hell. FML
Today, I was sitting on a park bench with my very elderly grandfather while listening to music at a low volume. Suddenly, he turned to me and said very loudly, "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD AIDS!" I received strange looks from everyone because he mistook my ear buds for a hearing aid. FML
Today, a co-worker gave me a couple of CDs he said he wanted me to listen to. I got excited, thinking that they were playlists he'd made for me. They were self-help tracks. FML
Today, as I go to a small private Christian college, the academic dean came up to me and asked me to put some old records on CD, since I have a record player that can do that. I had to listen to eight records of old students from the 1970's singing bible thumper Christian hippie music. FML
Today, I had dinner with my grandparents. At the table, my grandfather openly complained about how hard it is for him to get out of their hot tub. Not because of his prosthetic leg, but because his balls somehow "get stuck". I really didn't need to know that. FML
Today, I came home from work to find my kids playing Frisbee with my collection of rare, valuable vinyl records. The term "smash hit record" took on a whole new meaning. FML
Today, my husband got some junk mail. My grandma brought the mail in and let my 5-year-old open it because it was just junk. It turns out it was a catalog from an adult toys shop. FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
Just think, you might be listening to the music one of your parents was conceived to! Just imagine… your grandfather needing an outlet for all of his Cold War paranoia and your grandmother sporting nothing but her '70s haircut… ah, what fun!
stryder9090 28
He loves it when grandma Bach's dat ass up
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Comments (23)
belc 5
No grandpa just no! That is too much information!
tomvertigo 17
Yeah but free vinyl is always a plus!
Tripartita 45
Just think, you might be listening to the music one of your parents was conceived to! Just imagine… your grandfather needing an outlet for all of his Cold War paranoia and your grandmother sporting nothing but her '70s haircut… ah, what fun!
jcash52426 5
Older people don't know when there giving out to much info
RememberSchlitz 9
...aaaand you're an idiot.
SixthSinEnvy 39
Hey you never know, classical music is probably why you're here. Keep the tradition going!
gramj 8
This is great, but I hope to god you didn't get a crosley
RememberSchlitz 9
When my dad lost most of his hearing he gave me his record collection. Great stuff from the classic Jazz and Swing eras. I bought a turntable that could play 33/45/78 RPM just to hear them on my home theater system. Best media player purchase ever, you betcha. Let gramp's boner comment go and appreciate great music when it's presented to you. "OMG totes worth it", as the kids used to say.
jbivens1992 17
Old people say the funniest things sometimes...awkward and mentally scarring perhaps...but funny nontheless.
stryder9090 28
He loves it when grandma Bach's dat ass up
vikingchick 22
Huh. Classical music just makes me sleepy unless I'm playing the song.
TexanZaros 7
Looks like Grandpa is gonna come over a lot more often now.