Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at a baseball game. This kid in front of me had binoculars and was constantly shouting. Trying to amuse the girl next to me, I leaned over and said, "That kid probably has wet dreams about baseball." She got up and said to the kid, "Come on honey, we're leaving." FML
Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML
Today, while at a football game, I had my arm around my girlfriend. We were really close and I was just about to kiss her when suddenly her phone rang. It was her dad, telling her he's watching. FML
Today, I got a boner at the dentist's. FML
Today, my girlfriend's parents walked in on us having sex. Not only did her dad make me walk out to my truck with no clothes on, he is my baseball coach and I will be seeing him on Monday. FML
Today, I went to an amateur baseball game with some family and friends. When our team hit a home run, my grandpa took it upon himself to start screaming wildly, removing his prosthetic leg and waving it jubilantly in the air. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, after pulling up to my girlfriend's house for dinner with her parents, one of my favorite songs begin to play on the radio. After my 3 minutes of air drumming, I look up to see my girlfriend and her parents bouncing with laughter. FML
Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML
Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML
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Top comments
ShadowlessSpear 21
Hopefully he didnt ask what it was and poke it.
imlifeless2 25
Oh say, can you see? By my dick's early rise...
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Comments (165)
martin8337 36
Quick, run a flag up that pole!
bellafurfaro98 6
Looks like you need a new song...
Respect101 17
Because 'Murica that's why. No but it gets his mind off how good the sex is for a minute or two and like he said makes him last longer.
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Well that's one helluva a salute!
njgohard 16
'Murica.
CliffyB03 28
God bless America.
Aero_x 21
you unintentionally conditioned yourself to have a boner. I don't understand how that particular song could help though.
tournamentdecide 33
Because, generally, most people think about wars and people dying and honoring military men and women to that song. It isn't very sexy, is it?
nitrog100 21
I'm pretty be sure it would be weird if you didn't get a boner for 'Murica.
Bragi 12
What are you whining about, OP? You're winning.
MisterEx 28
I am sorry. I am not American. But why is almost everyone referring to the national anthem of their country as a "song"? It's the freaking national anthem not a twerking material!
vikky538 29
anthem is also a song...
BubbleGrunge 18
Not every song is twerking material. The National anthem is sung, which is a characteristic of a song.
MisterEx 28
Yes dear I understand it is sung so it has the characteristics of a song. It just sounds a bit under valued as a whole country's national anthem to be called a song. But that's not my business.
mageepaigeee44 15
I don't see how that could under value anything.. Who cares if you refer to it as a song OR an anthem?
Silver_89 9
An anthem is a TYPE of song. Definition from vocabulary.com: Rousing, reverential, sometimes even revolutionary, an anthem is a song that represents the ideals of a group of people. Anthem comes from Old English antefn. The original word meant a song sung antiphonally, or in turns by two groups of singers. Today, anthem has little to do with the way the vocals are arranged and more to do with the content of the message. When a group of people sing an anthem, whether it’s the national anthem, or the anthem of your third-grader’s beetle-collecting club, they express their devotion to a cause they identify with.
tournamentdecide 33
How would one pronounce antefn?
HarleyQuinn1996 8
I read it as "anti-fin"
davisjenny81 30
Would He get a boner from a third graders beetle club anthem to?