Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML
Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing that song that goes 'I'm too sexy for my shirt' when we have sex. Now, every time that we have sex, that song is going to be stuck in my head. FML
Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML
Today, and ever since my girlfriend and I watched the movie Obsession, she now thinks it's funny to watch me sleep, screams "STAAAAY!!" whenever I move when we're cuddling, and stands still by the door with a giant smile whenever I come home. FML
Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing the "I'm too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts…" song before we had sex. Now, every time we have sex, that song is going to be in my head. FML
Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
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Top comments
thantomaniac 0
That SOUNDS funny as hell.
MwahFMLS 6
Grab her boob and sing nyan cat? Meowmeowmeowmeow
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Comments (220)
thantomaniac 0
That SOUNDS funny as hell.
iam_yummylicious 12
I concur.
theten_fml 9
Do something that gets her hella horny in public.
changesinme 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Rub her clit and make her wet herself
kaprookie 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
13 - Hella horny? Hella isnt even a word, if by hella you mean hell well i've got news for you. Hell isn't an adjective.
kashuba31 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Hella's from family guy!! :D
kashuba31 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I meant south parkkk
theten_fml 9
21- it's slang. I though he used it in his fml so I did too. But thanks for that... Um stuff you said. =] what would I do without you??
iam_yummylicious 12
#21- Who cares if it isn't a word? Get off your high horse and go play hide and go kill yourself. Language is an art not meant to be controlled. We of the free world have every right to speak it however we want.
kaprookie 3
21 - Need a tampon? It sounds ridiculous and language actually is an art. This reply was directed at 24 because I mistakenly pushed it (I'm on my iPod touch).
Enslaved 38
Hella is a slang word for very. Ex: "Hella Good" by No doubt is a hella good song. Just keep on dancing.
gntfmlingnow 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Hella is by far the most annoying slang word I've ever come across. And I live out by the ghetto... >.>
perdix 31
I think the use of "hella" (short for "hell of a") here is brilliant considering the story uses "Imma" which is short for "I'm going to."
faith94m 5
TOO FAR.
rawakaretai 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Have you heard of nek Minuit - that is horrible - I.e. I went to the store and nek Minuit I stole a loaf of bread
heyimallison 0
21 - wtf is wrong with you? worry about yourself.
Bajee 10
No hella is slang from the South
RealChinese 7
@29 and anyone else who says language is an art. No it's really not an art, language is means to communicate to one another. That being said, it really doesn't matter how you use it as long as the other person understands truly. The rules are just a means to keep it articulate.
lolman222 0
Moderator, please remove 29s post. It is rather offensive and just outright bad. "Go play hide and go kill yourself"? I am ashamed by the people who liked this. You are all encouraging suicide.
ColdplaySucks 18
At least you know she can motivate you when you're horny...
laceyanneman 7
I'm pretty sure 'hella' originated from San Francisco because a lot of people say it in nor cal but I know people from So Cal don't say it much and most of them hate it.
allard 14
I don't mean to bring in more pointless examples, but slang like 'Hella' and 'Imma' are used in modern music. (Regardless of how terrible it is). I.e, "Imma be, livin' that good life'.
FreshlyCut 0
Don't wear shorts . Nuff said
Choose_Wisely 5
42 i have to disagree. "bro" is the most annoying to me =/ 89 language is definitely an art. think of fictional books
StopDropNRoll 11
I pretty sure you can find "hella" in the Oxford Dictionary just saying google Oxford dictionary and look it up.
TheNewGuy03 29
Who gives a **** if it's annoying to you or not? Keep it movin' and don't be dicks, you pedantic assfaces. |the kid|
Keyman1212 14
Shut the **** up about debating wether or not it's a word, and where it comes from. Next thing you know, you'll all be ******** yourselves over the difference between British spelling and American spelling. It's shallow, pedantic, and lacks all type of tact and finesse. If you think saying hella is wrong, then don't use any slang at all, because then you're just becoming the double standard.
mind_fucked 4
If she wears a white shirt "accidently" spill water on her chest and so oops! Lol
DarkMoon159 5
you look like you are from the south
eharmonee 0
I'm pretty sure it's more annoying when people say shiz kalifa.... I hate that!
Drummerboy1234 0
I see no problem. let people admire.
DreBeezy 9
30/ 21- 29 did state that language was an art, he/she just said that it was not meant to be controlled. Plus, I know a lot of English teachers that use the world "hella" and does anyone see your certificate as a "certified" English expert? I didn't think so.
OhbbyCx 6
Hella actually originated in California. :P
BRONCOMAN79 0
Hahaha ben there done that! Make her fix it. That makes it fun for both of you
ZoeElizabeth 0
16 your a dumb ass
kimmiekimmiekong 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
hahahaha that is hilarious, maybe not or u but still hilarious! I would totally do that to my boyfriend if he had something like that!
thantomaniac 0
Not sure if satire, or just very stupid.
theten_fml 9
....."if he had something like that?" ..... 0.o a penis?
kimmiekimmiekong 0
ya should of seen this one coming, I regretted writing it like I did once I re read it when it was sent lol
thantomaniac 0
Definitely very stupid.
theten_fml 9
18 oh that's okay =] a lot of things don't have a penis like my phone or my stereo for example.
TheDeadlyTurtle 7
I'm glad my pillow doesn't have a penis it's the only thing I give "head" to haha. And no I don't suck on my pillow O.o
RA661 8
So your boyfriend has no "junk"? I don't think that's a *boy* then...
bitchwhore 20
Sir there is a mouth on your hand.
TheDeadlyTurtle 7
It's completely there for pleasure I assure you.
TitaniaSilk 4
#39- Eh, she's probably dating Justin Bieber.
Bajee 10
14 - I choose airhead
SpruceDread4578 13
You go do that to your BF, soon he'll be cheating and you'll ask yourself why he did.
SpruceDread4578 13
You go do that to your BF, soon he'll be cheating and you'll ask yourself why he did.
allard 14
35, I see what you did there.
TheDeadlyTurtle 7
I bet the other 30 ppl who liked it do also. But thanks for the confirmation
lionlvr 9
Yes, because a total random you-know-what in public is totally cool!!
qwerty8788 4
I would love to be your girlfriend
Mister_Triangle 21
You can be mine ;) Forever_alone.jpeg
koolkat27 13
3- aren't you a guy?
ForeverAloneGuy 1
Bitch please.
qwerty8788 4
I like how 2 people commenting on this have a forever alone picture.
MyEpicDemise 7
I don't know how hell is funny, but I know your gf is fun and kinky.
twinny_sc 13
You tried too hard.
Racerjas11 0
It's because you don't know what it's like to have a big dick and get a boner.
didthatreallyhap_fml 14
OP could be embarrassed because he has a Howard Duck dick lol ijs
samiwammy 5
Lol that's funny
Clubkicker_fml 0
Haha best girlfriend EVER
MwahFMLS 6
Grab her boob and sing nyan cat? Meowmeowmeowmeow
azriel97 6
That is the greatest idea ever!!! XDDDD
misszjen 7
Or.... he could grab her boobs and start making "pew-pew" laser noises? ;)
VickLynx 6
nyanyanyanyanyanyan~
allard 14
67, Very impressive reference to an old FML, that was quite some time ago, Regardless of wether it was intentional. Well done Ma'am, well done indeed.
ohmyhotdogonabun 0
Haha
ohmyhotdogonabun 0
67, lmfao I remember that
G97Alex 21
The kitty says "nyan" not "meow". And yes, I'm aware that nyan is the Japanese word for "meow".
aJaguarinRed 9
Absolutely. It is only fair :-p
Taylo12237 5
There's a Japanese word for meow? And it's nyan? ... It all makes sense now!
MwahFMLS 6
I like meow better.
andiiturtle 0
Win... XD
False_Stupidity 42
Isn't 'meow' simply an attempt to spell the sound a cat makes? If so, how does it make sense that the Japanese call it Nyan?
TaylorMcGown 2
Or hahahahaha-haha squeeze squeeze! Like Peter griffin lol
evamusical 12
Nyancat sing nikkanikkayumyum! Listen to it again and you will hear it!
Tara_74656 7
lol wow... what a tease. not to self: try on next b/f
Tara_74656 7
^note.... can't believe i did that.
leadman1989 16
The post or the picture... perhaps both are regrets of yours.
sikhawk 4
nice rack
deviable 9
She's a molester jester.
lizabethp 11
lol.. she has humor and at least she grabs your junk!