Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at a baseball game. This kid in front of me had binoculars and was constantly shouting. Trying to amuse the girl next to me, I leaned over and said, "That kid probably has wet dreams about baseball." She got up and said to the kid, "Come on honey, we're leaving." FML
Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML
Today, while at a football game, I had my arm around my girlfriend. We were really close and I was just about to kiss her when suddenly her phone rang. It was her dad, telling her he's watching. FML
Today, I got a boner at the dentist's. FML
Today, my girlfriend's parents walked in on us having sex. Not only did her dad make me walk out to my truck with no clothes on, he is my baseball coach and I will be seeing him on Monday. FML
Today, I went to an amateur baseball game with some family and friends. When our team hit a home run, my grandpa took it upon himself to start screaming wildly, removing his prosthetic leg and waving it jubilantly in the air. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, after pulling up to my girlfriend's house for dinner with her parents, one of my favorite songs begin to play on the radio. After my 3 minutes of air drumming, I look up to see my girlfriend and her parents bouncing with laughter. FML
Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML
Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML
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Top comments
ShadowlessSpear 21
Hopefully he didnt ask what it was and poke it.
imlifeless2 25
Oh say, can you see? By my dick's early rise...
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Comments (165)
ShadowlessSpear 21
Hopefully he didnt ask what it was and poke it.
Kyle1dc 17
Don't be a Mike now.
cryssycakesx3 23
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
no one likes a Mike.
Ian7890 23
#40 My uncle is a Mike
MisterGasMoney 16
Well, Nobody likes him!
xxrogerthatxx 19
Who's Mike?
LennySimps48 3
#108 some who got his his dick poked by his friend because his friend saw it poking out by his pocket and asked him whathe got there
JocelynKaulitz 28
Just repeat the pledge of allegiance until it goes away.
lsvxoxo 12
Ha, I understood that reference.
Googolman 29
124 - Good for you?
Ilmoran 20
You've got it backward 114, Mike was the one who poked his friends dick.
xxrogerthatxx 19
thank you!
musicmanbilly 8
Why even bring that up?
who_else00 12
Did he notice???
morondon000 14
I agree that would be awkward if he noticed. And spark some bad questions.
Nilorak 24
No he was with his girlfriend's dad.
morondon000 14
Ya I re-read it and corrected myself, sorry for that.
flufee2 27
Lets hope he noticed, for the daughters sake lol
elibel 16
Trooo
Chezzlova 5
Your profile picture just proves how amazing you are.
senor_octubre 24
That's awkward
Nilorak 24
You don't say.
Zougibourg_fml 6
Captain obvious, hello.
lord_meloetta 20
No it's very pleasant
imlifeless2 25
Oh say, can you see? By my dick's early rise...
Kyle1dc 17
Oh so proudly we hailed, at my boners hard feeling.
leopardwilliam 22
@25 that seemed forced
noisyboy4000 23
@28 thanks for ruining the chain
tigerisabelle 31
Whose broad girth and bright eye, Through the tiresome night o'er the ramparts she watched, as it stood, liquid streaming. (too far?)
Kyle1dc 17
You say too far, I say not far enough....
Kyle1dc 17
In the woman's red glare, me cumming inside there. Gave proof through the night, that my dick was still there. I'm done for a while...
7Maverick 10
Genius.
basalt 4
dude i love u haha (jk) tht was pure genius
ladymunchkin742 11
Your pic looks like it's singing. I wish I could double like this
Zerizle 19
We're all getting deported
hambro 9
did anybody else sing the whole song thing
_FML_Austin_ 12
At least you didn't Catch any Foul looks from her father!
barfcannon 24
I'm going to put a shortstop to this pun chain before it goes any farther
_FML_Austin_ 12
This thread still has another 2 strikes #12, no need to be so bunt about it...
baseballbv 17
As much as I'd like to slide into this chain, perhaps I should just bench myself.
izntdan 14
Wow guys all of these puns have really been home runs
Kyle1dc 17
I'm not gonna be a hardball about this but we better stop before someone throws a fastball past us.
pessimistprime 4
**** this, I don't know baseball lingo.
cryssycakesx3 23
37, you're out
Kyle1dc 17
#41 Who's up to bat now?
BubbleGrunge 18
52-Who's on first.
cryssycakesx3 23
58 you're safe!
cjwayy 22
All of you just struck out.
gjikvtj 18
Baseball Bat
johobus28 26
This chain started out great but turned foul quickly.
Enslaved 38
Did I miss "Peanut butter jelly time"?
_FML_Austin_ 12
Those 3 strikes I talked about are way out of the park....
Way2Fast8 20
Fml is where I learn all my puns
Queenie2014 11
......
kinky44 28
Go on.
aire101 16
Classical conditioning at its finest.
Zebediabolical 45
Classical conditioning at it's finest... When I was in the US Army in the 90's, I beat off so much in the shower that I still get a hardon ever time it rains.
Kyle1dc 17
Who kind of 'murican doesn't get a hard on from the national anthem?!
LostInTheZone11 29
Well, that's one odd way to salute.
naajster 14
at least he's standing up for the national anthem.. national pride I must say
vikky538 29
perfect song for flag raising ceremony...
JBChristian 47
Find a song that her father doesn't like or listen to. That should fix any future awkward "problems" with him.
tournamentdecide 33
It isn't that the girlfriend's father enjoyed listening to the song, it's the fact that OP and said father were at a baseball game. The anthem was unavoidable.