Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at a baseball game. This kid in front of me had binoculars and was constantly shouting. Trying to amuse the girl next to me, I leaned over and said, "That kid probably has wet dreams about baseball." She got up and said to the kid, "Come on honey, we're leaving." FML
Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML
Today, while at a football game, I had my arm around my girlfriend. We were really close and I was just about to kiss her when suddenly her phone rang. It was her dad, telling her he's watching. FML
Today, I got a boner at the dentist's. FML
Today, my girlfriend's parents walked in on us having sex. Not only did her dad make me walk out to my truck with no clothes on, he is my baseball coach and I will be seeing him on Monday. FML
Today, I went to an amateur baseball game with some family and friends. When our team hit a home run, my grandpa took it upon himself to start screaming wildly, removing his prosthetic leg and waving it jubilantly in the air. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, after pulling up to my girlfriend's house for dinner with her parents, one of my favorite songs begin to play on the radio. After my 3 minutes of air drumming, I look up to see my girlfriend and her parents bouncing with laughter. FML
Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML
Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML
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Top comments
ShadowlessSpear 21
Hopefully he didnt ask what it was and poke it.
imlifeless2 25
Oh say, can you see? By my dick's early rise...
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Comments (165)
ThePols 11
"You're a good damn patriot, son."
miliaras93 17
FYL
thatADHDdude 21
Downvote.
imlifeless2 25
There be buttons for both of those.
CoachW13 1
Your bombs bursting in her....gave proof through the night...
pwnman 33
"Oh boy it's swell to say... Good Morning USA!"
pessimistprime 4
Good Morning Vietnam* Rest in Peace Robin Williams.
vikky538 29
you dont even make sense...
Respect101 17
#38 I got you, it's okay. Robin Williams played an Army Radio broadcaster. It makes a little sense, but oh well. Sorry #38 I tried.
aedar 16
I never really understood why do you play anthem at every game. I mean finale sure but other than that it seems kind of pointless, it should be played only at special occasions...
Respect101 17
I totally disagree with you, but that maybe because I played baseball for 10+ years so I constantly heard that song. It never occurred to me why the he'll are we playing this song every game? It was more of me thinking about the soldiers out there in Iraq(at the time).
captainsmegma 12
sorry #27 your an unpatriotic heathen.
calucalay 13
well considering baseball is THE American past time it actually makes a lot of sense
Dave_Davington 34
What about his an unpatriotic heathen?
AngryAmerican 18
It's played because those playing and observing the game all have the freedom because of the country we live in and all the soldiers who fought for our freedom. have a little patriotic spirit, and if your not American I say to you sir, **** off.
Vickeh 15
ALL rise for the national anthem eh?
Ilikepie82479 20
Wut
Arthurie 30
OP clearly stated that he sings that song in his head while "doing it" in order to last longer.
False_Stupidity 42
If he notices, he probably won't comment but if he does, just shrug and pass it off as a random boner. Every guy gets them even when not thinking about sex.
ahippienamedrae 10
But why the national anthem of all things?
Respect101 17
I think you should ask yourself.. Why not.