Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. In an attempt to be romantic, I tried taking her panties off with my teeth. I got a mouthful of pubes stuck in my braces. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML
Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML
Today, after going on a date with my girlfriend, we ended up having sex at her flat. When she took off her panties, I took a glance and saw poop stains on them. It turned me off. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML
Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a walk on the beach at night. We were completely alone, so she started blowing me. It was great for the first five minutes, but she had just eaten dinner and (apparently) wasn't feeling great. I ended the night in the shower picking vomit out of my pubes. FML
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Top comments
krsimir 0
Should have used charmen toilet paper, no little white pieces left behind
frozenfreeze 5
They were the least of your problems?...Were there dragons and dead rats down there too?
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Comments (348)
alexicanaaa 7
It's not that she doesn't take care of herself, she just didn't bathe before intimate time happened. If she had all the mess could've been gone. And she doesn't have to shave, I don't know why everyone's obsessed with girls doing that. It's miserable.
Zaros_fml 24
My fiancé has never had toilet paper residue stuck to her...
pinkcrayola 0
I like shaving, it feels really gross to me when I have hair down there. Not every girl needs to shave, but they should at least keep it trimmed if a guy is going down on them.
dragynfyre 4
agreed!
sendboot2 4
Shaving takes forever to do it right, she could have bathed earlier in the day
nowthenagain10 8
Forever? More like 3 mins tops. Its not complicated
21jason 9
Fish lots and lots of fish.... Find nemo yet?
linkinpark98 24
Even Nemo wouldn't want to be in there. :/ And he's a fish!
SLEinTN 7
My stomach just turned. That is truly disgusting.
linkinpark98 24
Your picture made my stomach growl... D:
rubberduckie94 13
It's kind of rude of your girlfriend to have that not so fresh feeling and still let you go down on her.
Narcisse_fml 25
That's exactly what I was thinking. Why in the hell would she allow him to go down on her if she wasn't freshly bathed? When he said pubes and TP residue were the least of his problems, I assumed he also discovered it was that time of month.
AdamsHadEm 5
pubes??? what n the hells that??? BALD PLEASE!
bingababe 16
I'm guessing you don't get laid very often....
brony1999 0
The virginity is strong with this one :D
jideare 3
I think your username name should be "Adam hasn't had em"! ROFL
baby_frenchie 6
I agree (:
NightmareStalker 0
I'd be willing to bet 80 percent of the people on here are virgins...
day624 14
#186 u just cracked me up!!
ctlnaaia71 8
Ewwww, she's disgusting! Next time you have two options: Make her take a shower before going down on her, or much better yet, get a cleaner girlfriend.
coletrain11 5
Good plan, breaking up with your girlfriend because of one incident. Don't try talking to her about it or mentioning it at all, just dump her immediately. Dumb ass.
immaMonsta 8
I don't even want to know what your actual problems were...there's a couple things that could've been wrong. Either way, I hope you didn't proceed with your "activity" after you saw and/or smelled whatever was down there.
TheDevilSatan 4
And tasted...
3peat_247 0
dude you gotta get her in the shower first noob...yuck I can only imagine
nadichka123 0
Seriously
whatareyou1999 0
Sick....
jlentriken 8
Wow that's ****** up! Tell that dirty bitch to clean herself up. No matter what she does if there's toilet paper down there she's ******* disgusting. Pubes ok. TP, not cool. 'what was not the least of your problems' not cool ditch that bitch.
nissa0909 16
I dont think you should offer any advice, because im assuming you dont get laid very often considering you call women 'bitch'
caitlingeorgia 0
I'm ashamed to know you're Australian. You're disgusting, even worse than OP's girlfriend. And put a fuckn shirt on in your picture, it's not as if you actually have any muscle to show.