Today, my girlfriend and I took a walk on the beach at night. We were completely alone, so she started blowing me. It was great for the first five minutes, but she had just eaten dinner and (apparently) wasn't feeling great. I ended the night in the shower picking vomit out of my pubes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I were both at home, sick. We decided to make the best of it and spent the day in bed together. Things got a little steamy, and we started making out. As I started kissing her neck, I got nauseous. Before I could pull away, I threw up all over her. FML
Today, after my girlfriend made a huge dinner, we got frisky. About 15 minutes in, I threw up the dinner she made, all over her. She hasn’t talked to me since. FML
Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML
Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house with a few people. I drank too much wine and later when everyone else had left I gave him head, deepthroating a little too enthusiastically, and puked all over his cock and bedsheets. Turns out, washing vomit out of your pubes kills the mood somewhat. FML
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I had the day off so we agreed fun by having the "afternoon in". In bed, that is. We got in bed, clothes off, and started to touch each other when she held her gut and yelled, "Oh shit! Oh shit! I have to shit!" She did a poop that came out like a waterfall. Diarrhea ended our fun. FML
Today, I was in my girlfriend's room when she walked in after getting out of the shower, wearing just a towel. She removed it and I was inches away from going down on her when I noticed she hadn’t wiped properly, either before or after her shower. She'd complained about stomach problems earlier, but regardless… FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
Today, the girl I’ve been trying to date not only agreed to a date, she invited me back to her place because the date went so well. We were kissing so hard, I struggled to breathe, I coughed, gagged, then vomited my seafood dinner all over her yellow sofa. It all went downhill from there. FML
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Top comments
Caci Johnson 9
Guess she blew chunks for you
Allie614032 34
You should've just rinsed off in the ocean.
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Comments (25)
Caci Johnson 9
Guess she blew chunks for you
Allie614032 34
You should've just rinsed off in the ocean.
Inkoseh 33
Yeah I don't know why he didn't either. He'd be walking home with wet pants either way. Except his way left him with clothes covered and smelling like vomit that he'd have sitting in his home until it was washed properly.
RichardPencil 32
Oh, that’s the explanation? It’s more likely that your dick tastes nasty! On nights I think there might be some action, I put a few boiled cabbage leaves down my pants. Haven’t had any complaints ... or second dates for that matter.
katluvr 22
Five whole minutes and neither of you had a clue that she didn't feel well? Was she somehow obligated to provide you with this service in return for a sub-standard meal, which may have led to her gastronomic expulsion? Or perhaps your personal hygiene is so lacking as to have elicited such a response. Another option is that you're an inconsiderate man who chose to hold her head and ignore her signals then blame her for blowing chunks and not you.
Justin White 12
That’s a lot of assumptions you got there.
anyoldnamewilldo 23
Wow....you need to date better men
Lobby_Bee 18
Shouldn't do any strainuous exercise directly after dinner.
RichardPencil 32
That sucks.
manb91uk 22
You’re supposed to blow into her mouth, not the other way around! Who re you, Jon Snow or something?!
DanielleinDC 34
She should have stopped when she started feeling sick. Either dinner didn't agree with her or something triggered her gag reflex too soon after eating.
neuronerd 29
Gag reflexes are a thing. This can happen if either of you aren't aware of her limits. Just wash it off and take it as a lesson for the future. Also, this happened because she was focused on your pleasure, don't make her feel bad for it.
tibtak 20
Deep throat has its down side