Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML
Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML
Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML
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Top comments
KeinBaum 12
At least she's giving feedback and seems to have quite some humor.
TTowntitan13 8
Actually it's a taco...so I think you were pretty close to doing it right!
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Comments (66)
ash_1020 6
Sucks to be you
sayyestothedress 24
I'm pretty sure there is a bright blue button for what you just said
ash_1020 6
Lol I just wanted to be 1st comment once in my life
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
I've been first comment several times, and I've never had a single one of them be downvoted into oblivion before. It's better to be second or third with 150 upvotes than to be first with 150 downvotes.
KeinBaum 12
At least she's giving feedback and seems to have quite some humor.
cakefete2 31
Exactly! Learn from this. When you know how to do it right, she'll be completely speechless, then you will have the last laugh.
sig4life 18
Sounds like she wants you to get better. That is a lot better than letting you go on and on then have her talk about how bad it was to her friends. Just learn, take direction and you will get better.
TTowntitan13 8
Actually it's a taco...so I think you were pretty close to doing it right!
devildog562 33
Well played sir. You beat me to it. Damn anti flood posting ! Taco taco.
cakefete2 31
So... Taco Belle?
MeanBeagle 22
I'm thinking arbys
devildog562 33
16- Dela taco.
twistedgrifter 8
Roast beef sandwich
justindrew14 29
No it's a Tinkle Taco.
Ichiya 29
Twinkle twinkle little guy, when I open up my thighs, twinkle twinkle in his eye.
Aussie75 10
You know how you can tell if it's a burrito? The cheese.
ashtic 20
You sir are a bad person :P
DarkSaphire2002 14
Do the words "yeast infection" mean anything to you?
Wouldbking 4
Ooh so nasty so ******* nasty :D
Hitdadeck10 2
No no, it's the beans
pwnman 33
Seems like you should vag your bags and move out..
tony1891 22
going on a vagtastic voyage?
DJviper_fml 5
bon vagyage?
vreid 20
Every guy has to learn sometime, try getting her to tell you what she likes OP. Be patient and stay sensitive to her needs! Best of luck mate
Eleora 19
Well said
euphoricness 28
That is an amazing girlfriend
devildog562 33
I thought they were tacos?!
Leodak 16
Is a taco a burrito?
d123454321b 14
Spoken? Or yelled?
jeffandjeff 22
At least she gave you input, she could have been indifferent.