Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, the quality of my sex life reached a new low. I faked my orgasm. And so did he. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML
Today, I realized just how much my bad sex life has started affecting me, when after not being able to climax from masturbating, I instinctively faked an orgasm. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. Today, I also learned how to fake an orgasm. Twice. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML
Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML
Today, my girlfriend of over a year said she has been faking her orgasms since the first time we've had sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It was amazing, besides for the fact I barely felt him. I pretty much faked the entire thing. FML
Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
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Top comments
BirdieCurls 25
At least she wasn't actually a corpse?
everton99 16
At the rate the post was going I truly thought he was going to say "and then I discovered she really was dead. FML"
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Comments (76)
BassTurdo 22
YDI
yewanchor 7
fyl OP, that must've sucked
peacheso 31
Nope, she didn't even suck.
baseballbv 17
Don't have a one night stand then? Then it may be what you're hoping for
Garrison21 11
Key words you hooked up with a chick from a club.
Soviet_American 29
Most awkward eye contact ever made, probably happened in that time.
Lebeaugars95 20
Doesn't matter, had sex
americanezio 10
Can I say I love you? Hahaha
ThepurpleCow 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You must be either very bad at sex. Or she is.
Almost_Positive 18
This one doesn't sound like it's his fault.. He was doing all of the work. She was being a starfish
brettrb 18
It takes two people for good sex. Laying motionless usually doesn't help anybody.
flutterby789 8
its her fault she should have put more effort in.
doodlecloud 27
My first thought was 'maybe she's just really, really drunk'. Or possibly drink spiked? I dunno, I'm sure OP is a nice guy...but it does sound a bit dodgy. I think I'd be more concerned about if she was okay. Hopefully he's just exaggerating a bit.
ironik69 31
Being a starfish. LMFAO. I will have to use that one.
Louve55555_fml 5
Why haven't you told her ? If she thinks it's healthy and normal, she will continue :c
kolk777 10
Because it was most likely just a one night stand.
BirdieCurls 25
At least she wasn't actually a corpse?
everton99 16
At the rate the post was going I truly thought he was going to say "and then I discovered she really was dead. FML"
CobraLazerFace 21
Plot twist! OP is actually DMX! "Got blood on my dick cause I ****** a corpse" - DMX "Bring Your Whole Crew"
ex_omer 17
Ted Bundy would have loved it
AoC15 10
I can agree with that
neutralize 12
Well, think of it this way: at least you weren't ******* an ACTUAL corpse!
fallingbackward 2
My friend had to do that once, he said she never even noticed the lack of semen...maybe she was a corpse?
tigerisabelle 31
Well, at least you'll never see her again, and it'll make for a funny story after like twenty beers, cause you're gonna need them to forget that.
Le_Doctor 10
She was just being lazy... Wanted you to do all the work
SuperWhoMarvLock 22
Run. Run away.
tournamentdecide 33
Run, Forrest, run, from this stupid comment.
Mauskau 36
So when girls do that do they seriously just lie there and do nothing at all? No reactions, no nails, nothing? I'd stop straight away if I had no reaction and ask them to move. "Your turn."