Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, during an argument that he couldn't win, my boyfriend farted in a glass, covered it with his hand, ran to me, and let it go it right in front of my nose. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Today, I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship troubles. He stopped me in the middle of a sentence with a huge fart. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML
Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML
Today, after an argument, my boyfriend called me a fart knocker and gave me a wedgie. Apparently, I'm dating an 10-year-old. FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter, has a bad farting problem. I decided it would be okay to let a silent fart out and blame the dog. Baxter was outside when I blamed him. FML
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Top comments
buck33 14
No, it was the parakeet.
LuxAeterna_fml 0
14 - Are you high?
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Comments (371)
AnimalLover1031 8
Well I hope that serves you a lesson for not smoking weed any more, it makes you look like an idiot, and its quite unatractive.
americananarchy 3
DocBasterd: stop hiding behind your computer and if you really mean what you said. Back it up.
Dnigz13 4
Hahaha this made my day! Your bf must have been tripping lol
AnEvilLemon 9
You hear these kind of stories from people like the poster all the time in this world yet people still want drugs to be legalized. The reason that drugs are illegal and alcohol and tobacco aren't is because drugs are way more addicting and do more damage in the long run then in the very small amount of time that pro- drug users pay attention to. Not to mention that at least there are much more people who can still contribute to society and it's progression when they use alcohol and tobacco rather than drug users who constantly loose most resistance to the drugs. Finally, if you are reading this it is because you probably aren't a pro-drug user and aren't so stubborn to hear other people's views that you just skip to writing a response that insults the length of this comment or just insults my intelligence.
sadistmonkey 19
Whether or not you are against marijuana, this is just poor argumentation. This story does not indicate anything about the addictive potential of marijuana.
Holydiving 3
I believe the death count per year from tobacco use ALONE is about 5 million which can be considered mass murder by tobacco companys. Alcohol kills more people then then car crashes annually. Weed hasn't killed one person IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE PLANET EVER!
gilliaga 4
OMG I totally want to be your friend. Once I was so drunk I patted a cat for 5 minutes before I noticed it was actually my friend's purse.
rpc3029 0
Baked, high or mad
jquiggy89 3
I'm sorry, but all of you pro drug idiots drive me up a wall. Before you say that I probably have never smoked, I have. That shit was cool when I was like 16. Get your facts straight, and quit trying to say its just government propaganda. I know people who smoke that do it quietly in their home and don't get all up in people's faces about how they smoke.
stallion420 0
Agreed.
bowser_rawr16 13
Couldn't have said it better myself
maszaros 9
I put YDI just because you really did; but I gotta admit, I laughed so hard at this I almost voted for you just for making me feel so good!
jjddaawwgg 1
**** u
seyha 2
Wow