Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, during an argument that he couldn't win, my boyfriend farted in a glass, covered it with his hand, ran to me, and let it go it right in front of my nose. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Today, I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship troubles. He stopped me in the middle of a sentence with a huge fart. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML
Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML
Today, after an argument, my boyfriend called me a fart knocker and gave me a wedgie. Apparently, I'm dating an 10-year-old. FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter, has a bad farting problem. I decided it would be okay to let a silent fart out and blame the dog. Baxter was outside when I blamed him. FML
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Top comments
buck33 14
No, it was the parakeet.
LuxAeterna_fml 0
14 - Are you high?
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Comments (371)
itskimHOLLA 0
Extremely attractive
CrackAttack 2
Wow at some of the comments on this. Obviously weed can be harmful. As harmful as ciggarettes, alcohol, or any other drugs? Of course not! But still, anyone who claims that weed is harmless is wrong. That being said, anyone who claims that all (or even most) "potheads" and "druggies" are losers or stupid also is wrong. Just like the above poster that said most doctors are "arrogant assholes". Think of all the artists, poets, muscians, writers, and filmakers who have produced amazing material while "under the influence". In fact, you could argue that some of their masterpieces could not exist if they had never gotten high. Would you call those people idiots or wasters? What really gets me though are all the people I know who go out and get wasted and then call people who smoke pot "druggies". Seriously??? People always have, and will for years to come enjoy what drugs offer, so let them get on with it whatever their choice may be. I personally think drugs can be a good thing, but like most things, only in moderation. And for all you that out there who would rather not get wasted at all (on drugs or alcohol), just remember this quote: "With a bit of luck his life was ruined forever. thinking that just behind some narrow door, men in red woolen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he will never know." - Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
wtvr 2
Pretty sure that wasnt weed..
Leighakkc 4
hahaha this is soo funny if ur boyfriend didnt laugh hes a jerk cause i wouldve been rolling!!! i wish i was smokin what u had, must be some good shit :)
sxdryv 14
I think I love u.
awoodenspoon 0
Weed isn't the problem, society is. Oh you don't smoke weed? You must be a person of a superior moral caliber! People who think like that are absolutely pathetic.
SgtBlacksmith 9
Can I just put the End-All to this argument and say you can do whatever the damn hell you want, and religion is something you can choose regardless of your other choices, and that having fun is not reliant on drugs? In fact, you're probably more likely to remember a good night out if you're not stoned. I know a lot of smokers well and I can say some are good people and some aren't. I will say, however, that they all use it as a crutch and at one point in their lives have regretted it. So, if a comment on a touchy post on FML can inspire any meaning, I would hope this one would tell that you can choose to do whatever you want, but the conciquences are yours and yours alone to deal with, so its best to evaluate them before hand. Good night, ladies and gentlemen.
chongoa49 5
stoners are so stupid!
Nyx7 24
Weed is ok for some people, you aren't one of those people
dankmemes710 13
Youre a disgrace to pot smokers worldwide