Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, during an argument that he couldn't win, my boyfriend farted in a glass, covered it with his hand, ran to me, and let it go it right in front of my nose. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Today, I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship troubles. He stopped me in the middle of a sentence with a huge fart. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML
Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML
Today, after an argument, my boyfriend called me a fart knocker and gave me a wedgie. Apparently, I'm dating an 10-year-old. FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter, has a bad farting problem. I decided it would be okay to let a silent fart out and blame the dog. Baxter was outside when I blamed him. FML
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Top comments
buck33 14
No, it was the parakeet.
LuxAeterna_fml 0
14 - Are you high?
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Comments (371)
nfjskcbdkdjdjdn 2
When I have kids, I'm SO using this as an explanation of why they shouldn't get high.
YdoIhaveAchode 4
If you get that stupid when you smoke weed, you need to stop. I smoke weed myself, but I've never done something that ridiculous.
stallion420 0
I agree, it's people that act retarded on cannabis that give the responsible tokers a bad reputation.
xIBleedPurplex16 0
She never said she smoked pot retards. There's kush that will make u do some crazy ass shit.
hateevryone 15
Don't ever get baked again. EVER!!!!!
Skelebitch 0
This seems like one of those awkward ones that I see while moderating. How this got enuff "yes" is beyond me.
corleon198425 22
Years ago before the military I was baked out of my mind putting peanut butter on ice cream and putting it on ice cream the wondering why the bread was melting. I thought I was Makeing a sandwich lol
iwatchutube 0
Newsflash: DONT DO DRUGS
LouisianaBob 9
especially not prescription drugs that have commercials.
pagullarka 9
If you're doing drugs, you got bigger problems then your boyfriend hearing you fart, quit while you can please!!!!!!
c0c0_fml 16
You sound so intelligent
alexicanaaa 7
Ydi.
c0c0_fml 16
Love your picture! That's true :)