Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, during an argument that he couldn't win, my boyfriend farted in a glass, covered it with his hand, ran to me, and let it go it right in front of my nose. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Today, I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship troubles. He stopped me in the middle of a sentence with a huge fart. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML
Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML
Today, after an argument, my boyfriend called me a fart knocker and gave me a wedgie. Apparently, I'm dating an 10-year-old. FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter, has a bad farting problem. I decided it would be okay to let a silent fart out and blame the dog. Baxter was outside when I blamed him. FML
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Top comments
buck33 14
No, it was the parakeet.
LuxAeterna_fml 0
14 - Are you high?
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Comments (371)
ReptarTheStar 6
Personally, one time, I got so backed that I felt like a spaceman and I started chasing aliens and then when I caught them, they all turned into one giant Cosmic Brownie. I could of died a happy man. But in all seriousness, weed isn't bad. Everyone can benefit from it. It relaxes you and gives you a chance to just calm the **** down. I'd rather have my child do weed than alcohol or tobacco or the hard drugs. At least it wasn't meth that she did. :) weed FTW
ReptarTheStar 6
*baked
BloodFaerie 21
It was funny until I saw it was a girl... then it was kind of sad...
j_cat187 20
Why wait? They got plenty of funny stoner vids on YouTube.
stallion420 0
Not "cool" its never "cool", i use it because im allergic to most pain medication, including ibuprofin, i recently had back surgery and i am bed riddin until july so don't judge me for using the only thing i can to help aleviate my pain. So should i be forced to suffer the pain because of this "drugs" legality? Sorry but no.
Strwbry3Shortcke 8
You deserve it for being a druggy.
Holydiving 3
Refer to #235
k34nu 7
Epic lol.
xxm4nt3110xx 3
All these people are saying "I'm basing my opinion that weed is bad off medical research.. Yet bud is used for medical purposes.. Stop being stuck up and try it..
DocBastard 40
Heroin was available for purchase once too as a cough suppressant. Yes, seriously. Do you think that makes it a good idea?
calvo_07 13
We have all been there
cherryllollo 7
this is the kind of behavior that gives potheads a bad name. quit smoking noob