Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, during an argument that he couldn't win, my boyfriend farted in a glass, covered it with his hand, ran to me, and let it go it right in front of my nose. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Today, I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship troubles. He stopped me in the middle of a sentence with a huge fart. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML
Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML
Today, after an argument, my boyfriend called me a fart knocker and gave me a wedgie. Apparently, I'm dating an 10-year-old. FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter, has a bad farting problem. I decided it would be okay to let a silent fart out and blame the dog. Baxter was outside when I blamed him. FML
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Top comments
buck33 14
No, it was the parakeet.
LuxAeterna_fml 0
14 - Are you high?
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Comments (371)
ReptarTheStar 6
WEEEEEDDDDDD
vintage3113 6
This is hilarious!
Holydiving 3
Gotta think that most the people on here are girls who usually will oppose weed or go with what everybody else is doing. They all think that weed is the devils drug. what about all those people taking oxycontin and muscle relaxers for legit purposes. Are they a bunch of druggies because they are taking a drug that is ILLEGAL without a prescription such as WEED? Are you calling my grandmother, that ate weed cookies to help relieve pain and help her eat from the chemo, a druggie? You guys need to open you eyes and get your heads out of ur asses.
The_DoritoNinja 4
Users are losers.. I don't want my non existent self esteem to go down even more from the thumbs down so I'm going to leave.
kei1108 13
YDI. Weed is illegal. Doran natter if it's unfair. It's the law. If you have to smoke it so bad, go to Canada. But for now, just be grateful that we have government at all. (compared to other countries, we are doing pretty awesome!)
sleet7 4
Wow. You have no idea where you are.
MigraineurOfLife 15
Yeah... OK? "America the awesome" *flushes* is going down the drain!
brianjman14 23
Seriously? You get that ******* dumb when you smoke? You need to lay off the weed.
sleet7 4
It's not hard to control yourself when you smoke weed. You probably would have argued with with it sober.
FajitaFreak 3
Weed makes you dumb when you use it, but it's harmless physically speaking. Regardless, it should not be illegal. Beyond any moral reasons, making something illegal only increases the demand for it. People are like that. It also makes drugs far more dangerous.
sleet7 4
It isn't completely harmless. I'm not against weed but there are psychological effects for some.
EdmundTonne 3
What a waste of an fml - moderators who allow this shit to post won't have a job someday - then that's almost an fml - except for those reading it.... Shit
purebliss7 6
so your boyfriend still your boyfriend? or is your parakeet the only thing you have left?