Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, during an argument that he couldn't win, my boyfriend farted in a glass, covered it with his hand, ran to me, and let it go it right in front of my nose. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Today, I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship troubles. He stopped me in the middle of a sentence with a huge fart. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML
Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML
Today, after an argument, my boyfriend called me a fart knocker and gave me a wedgie. Apparently, I'm dating an 10-year-old. FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter, has a bad farting problem. I decided it would be okay to let a silent fart out and blame the dog. Baxter was outside when I blamed him. FML
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Top comments
buck33 14
No, it was the parakeet.
LuxAeterna_fml 0
14 - Are you high?
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Comments (371)
BubbleGrunge 18
Ok so first....it wasn't cause you were "baked out of your mind" that you behaved this way. Your just weird (but that's not always a bad thing). Don't quite see the problem here, everyone farts (and poops too ;) ) Secondly, weed isn't a drug, and if you feel it is, it's a lot better for you than pills and liquor, which is all legal. Hell, it's even better for you than half the processed shit we eat everyday.
PandaPandamoneum 0
You're wrong... Girls don't poop...or fart. Ever
monkiki62 5
I'm also highly annoyed by the politically correct asses on here. I have a very good job and my own place and smoke so no not everyone that smokes is a lowlife. Weed is not even comparable to other drugs by far. And it may not cure cancer bit does cure some illnesses such a peptic ulcers. Twits.
BubbleGrunge 18
Right on!
j_cat187 20
Hahaha you said highly. But on a serious note I agree with you.
stallion420 0
Agreed!
neuroticallyyour_fml 17
The ignorance surrounding Marijuana on here is astounding. If Docbastard knew anything he would know that of all the studies conducted about the harmful effects of Marijuana none of those studies have ever been able to conclusively prove that it's harmful. I'm sure he's cynical because of the likelihood that he's run into a few people who've smoked more than they could handle and wound up in the ER having a Marijuana induced panic attack. Or maybe it's because most doctors are arrogant, self-entitled, assholes who use their positions of power to belittle other people they've deemed less intelligent than themselves. That doesn't make it bad and it doesn't make people who smoke worthless or stupid. Some people aren't aware of what they can and can't handle, just like alcohol. Furthermore, the people who hold such negative views of Marijuana have probably never smoked it a day in their life and therefore, have no clue what they are talking about.
brytonk 8
Nice rant there. Used quite a few big words didn't ya.
mduffy08 8
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/06/090615095940.htm You're an idiot.
j_cat187 20
#143. That study specifically implies that one would smoke it. Of course it would cause cancer. But what if it was consumed like as in a spice. Are there studies proving that eating this herb is also harmful?
deviable 9
Why don't you try reading doc's blog before calling him an arrogant self entitled asshole? Because then you'd know that he had more experience than anyone with the bad effects of drugs, and just dealing with a fraction of that shit makes him a better person the most people.
BubbleGrunge 18
I am curious how many of you so called anti marijuana people drink? How about you have a couple of drinks an I'll hit the bong a few times and see whose able to function more. Smoking pot has nothing to do with being an "adult"I have my own home, I'm school, and work. I'm probably one of the nicest people you'll ever meet and guess what? I smoke. It helps with a lot of problems (health wise) with less pharmaceutical drugs do and it's better on my body. Pulse, I ******* love smoking so get the hell over yourselves. Do I even need to get started on how bad for you cigarettes are?
mduffy08 8
I never said I didn't smoke or drink. I posted a link saying marijuana isn't good for you. So don't try to contemplate me with your bull shit that drinking is worse, because it's fairly obvious that drinking is worse. Don't try to make marijuana justifiable, it's plain and simple. If you drink/smoke, it's bad for you.
BubbleGrunge 18
Mduffy08 no one is directing anything at you. I didn't care to read your link so get the hell over yourself. Someone seems to have their panties in a wad and I can justify smoking all I want, know why? Cause this is FML not a conversation with the pope. Frankly, crossing the street, even driving in a car is less dangerous than smoking some herb.
DocBastard 40
neuroticallyyour - For ****'s sake, are you serious? Have you read all 14000 articles that I was able to pull on a quick medical journal search just now? OH MY GOD, YOU HAVEN'T? I'm shocked. In less than 2 minutes, I was able to find medical journal articles (not opinion pieces written by marijuana advocates) that show that smoking marijuana has been linked to membranous glomerulonephritis, coronary vasospasm, emphysema, and spontaneous pneumothorax. That was just in the first few articles. No, I haven't read all 14000 articles either, but I'm just disproving your ridiculous point. If you don't know what those things are, look them up. None of them are good. I don't have to cut my hand off to know that it isn't a good idea, and I don't have to smoke marijuana to know it isn't healthy. So that "you haven't done it, so you don't know" argument is utter rubbish. Feel free to think I'm an arrogant, self-entitled asshole who enjoys belittling people. But please understand that the only people I belittle are the ones like you who call other people "ignorant" and think that they're above everyone else.
mduffy08 8
I love you.
brytonk 8
Somethings wrong with you. F your boyfriends life for being with you. Drugs are bad mmmkay.
bigmackin35 0
Nice
stonerchick420 3
Shit I want some of what you got! Lol
brokenheartemo 7
Girls who smoke weed are really unattractive and its a major turn-off, just throwing in my opinion
the_wombat 6
Judgemental people who don't have the self-control to keep their opinions to themselves are extremely unattractive.
the_wombat 6
And you're a major turn-off just by having opened your mouth. Or typed in the comment box, if you will.
ncktyu 0
IK it's disgusting
stillfly235 2
For all you religious people who are pissed because people get high then why would your God put marijuana on earth?
stallion420 0
^ I absolutely LOVE this comment!! haha
deviable 9
Why does poison ivy exist? why are there poisonous berries? Why do dolphins love to rape things? Life is a ******* mystery, and that's the stupidest argument I've ever seen in favor of pot.
j_cat187 20
"God has given us the seeds plants and herbs for us to use."
americananarchy 3
Girls who get high ate sooo hot.
americananarchy 3
Stop dissing drugs. If you haven't tried them you don't know Shit. Do your research dumbasses. The government saying drugs are bad is another way they control you. You're all just to stupid to see it.