Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, during an argument that he couldn't win, my boyfriend farted in a glass, covered it with his hand, ran to me, and let it go it right in front of my nose. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Today, I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship troubles. He stopped me in the middle of a sentence with a huge fart. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML
Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML
Today, after an argument, my boyfriend called me a fart knocker and gave me a wedgie. Apparently, I'm dating an 10-year-old. FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter, has a bad farting problem. I decided it would be okay to let a silent fart out and blame the dog. Baxter was outside when I blamed him. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
buck33 14
No, it was the parakeet.
LuxAeterna_fml 0
14 - Are you high?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (371)
Calyx_fml 22
Last month I got so baked that I went on a walk. I looked out over the ocean to a range of mountains in the distance and it's beauty, pure and eternal, brought me to tears. Opened in awe, i realized that thought is time (the inference of memories regarded in the eternal now). The awe I felt was no more than thought, empty like space moving in space. and that I too am likewise empty. The beauty of the mountains disappeared and all that was left was... awareness; pure and beautiful. Who is there to cry? To marvel in awe? To know beauty from ugly? There is only I am. ... or you can talk to farting parrots. It all depends in where you are in life. Either way, unless you've been there you don't know.
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
Spirit walks are amazing. Sadly few people will understand, but maybe that makes the personal experience so much more valuable.
j_cat187 20
#169. Its crazy, really puts things into perspective. It's a shame that it is nearly impossible to describe spirit walks
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
I think Calyx did a good job of describing a little. If I'm still in that right wonderful zone, I can do it myself. Though I either keep it private, or label it as another 'abstract' piece for my writer's portfolio. Spirit journeys are obviously very looked down upon by the majority.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
As soon as I read "I was so baked," I clicked YDI. I still say it after reading the whole FML.
flyguy78942 2
Bravo! That's something you bf will never let you live down.
Chazyj 4
And this is why we don't do drugs kids mkayyyy
MDTeddy 13
Farting isn't bad unless it smells bad.
KILLERTOAST13 4
That's what u take from this? Moron
ganjaone 2
U r a keeper op! U sound like the perfect girl. No joke
JoeLouisBomber 9
I dont think you got high sounds more like hard drugs
annanatwell 0
First of all your an idiot for getting high, and there is no second, your just an idiot
stallion420 0
Can't we all just get along? :lights bong:
monkiki62 5
High five for getting baked. And u can't be that dumb op, even baked I know what's going on. It's not alcohol. I think u were just bored. Also everyone farts so who cares.
Genoc123 5
At the end of the day it's some weed lighten up people