Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, during an argument that he couldn't win, my boyfriend farted in a glass, covered it with his hand, ran to me, and let it go it right in front of my nose. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Today, I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship troubles. He stopped me in the middle of a sentence with a huge fart. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML
Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML
Today, after an argument, my boyfriend called me a fart knocker and gave me a wedgie. Apparently, I'm dating an 10-year-old. FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter, has a bad farting problem. I decided it would be okay to let a silent fart out and blame the dog. Baxter was outside when I blamed him. FML
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Top comments
buck33 14
No, it was the parakeet.
LuxAeterna_fml 0
14 - Are you high?
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Comments (371)
michael666 7
people like you give us stoners a bad name, and who ever said its unnattractive when girls smoke is wrong, its hot as hell.
MigraineurOfLife 15
Hope the boyfriend videoed the whole episode & puts it on YouTube!
auzz1_pride 9
And your boyfriend didn't record you? what a useless tool.
dbreitenfeld 0
Hugs not drugs
MelissaMarie89 8
I really laughed reading this one it's stupid and funny!!!!
aaronlopez20 4
haha thats soooo funny :)
jonez_03 2
Weed is great and I'm an A and B double major university student. Nothing wrong with a plant that relieves me from my everyday chronic pain of fibromyalgia :) live your own lives people and don't preach or judge it's rude and condescending. You're no better.
dacuar 0
Were you cooking cookies?
AhllieyBabyy7 4
did it smell?
KazuTrumpet1512 21
How about NOT using illegal drugs?