Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, I was dirty texting my boyfriend since we couldn't see each other this weekend. We were getting really into it when he said, "If only you were this good in real life." FML
Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML
Today, I finally felt ready for intimacy with my boyfriend, and I sent him a sexy picture of myself topless. He texted back, "Ewwwww." FML
Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML
Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML
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Top comments
Doortje 30
Honey, if you need to turn him on a day in advance to get him to want to have sex with you, you're doing something wrong.
cupcakegirl93 8
Either you are trying to hard or he has moved on and isn't interested... try to figure out the real reason and good luck!
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Comments (167)
disneydork96 0
Maybe he's trying to tell you something O.o
NoodleBurger 0
yeah, to stop. OMG how'd I know that?
disneydork96 0
yeah that's kinda what I was going for in my comment.
supernerd352 7
please donate to the CS fund to stop morons like #1 posting the most obvious part of the fml (common sense)
supernerd352 7
crap i didnt spell please right. FML
Symmetry88 0
maybe he's GAY!
pertained 12
maybe he's got standards, lol.
pertained 12
And he's not a horny bastard.
RouletteRed 6
or maybe he doesnt like the rated XXX R Crazy sh*t goin through your head. lol
cjc0690 0
you're doing it wrong
bill929 7
maybe your texts were to dirty
fthislyfe 22
If he's not gay, he might have some sexual problems. I don't need to do something to make my boyfriend get intimate! actually he's always intimate. It's really annoying though, we barely talk :D
bubble25_fml 5
interesting, I was under the impression that gay men are gay because thy like other men...
dre_bro11 12
93, maybe, like pertained said, he just isn't too horny, and knows how to control and respect himself.
pertained 12
Don't you get stoned to death for having a boyfriend in Tehran?
mrtoby 0
why can't I find a girl like you:)
pertained 12
because i'm a dude
JessieMongoose 11
I think I'm in love with pertained.
Drigr 9
what the hell. if the guy likes sex too much it's an fml. if they guy doesn't like sex enough it's an fml. men will NEVER win!!
JosephJ93 0
maybe he thought they were from his mom
chimpsndip 0
Because Joseph is from Old Town, USA. A pace where your mom is your girlfriend.
NomJonnyboy 0
what?
redbluegreen 41
How could you even think that?
jmtmxer 0
yea cause moms always steal their sons girlfriends phones ?
KGabehart9 0
Was this supposed to be funny? If it was you kinda failed worse than OP. Just don't even try.
KGabehart9 0
Was this supposed to be funny? If it was you kinda failed worse than OP. Just don't even try.
cupcakegirl93 8
Either you are trying to hard or he has moved on and isn't interested... try to figure out the real reason and good luck!
swittig 0
Nothing's to kinky for me! giggity giggity
swittig 0
*too giggity
Symmetry88 0
you have problems. OP's bf is obviously gay.
nicobington 1
go quagmire
currychicken 4
text me instead ;)
DjeePee 25
I think it's very strange if a girl needs to turn her boyfriend always on, normally it's the other way round. It's not impossible, but still, a guy who doesn't like dirty texts and sex? If your partner (boy-or girlfriend) doesn't like to get intimate with you, there's something wrong. The first thing I thought was 'maybe he's a homosexual who has a heterosexual relationship to keep up appearance'. Things like that happens. But hey, it might even be not that serious, just talk to him. Forcing someone to have sex isn't a bright idea.
NomJonnyboy 0
you've thought waayyyy too much in to it. what you're trying to say is he's gay.
chimpsndip 0
27-I actual got a little pissed off when she started throwing around heterosexual and homosexual instead if just saying gay.
Symmetry88 0
she really did fail with this comment. she tried to go all out and be intelligent, but she's being rather stupid and offensive. it's a three letter word. G-A-Y one meaning. NOT INTERESTED IN GIRLS. which means, OP sucks at this stuff and chooses wrong guys. **** her life. the gay Dude that refused sex can go die in a jumpsuit.
SexyQueen0905 24
*Why, thank you Dr. Phil for that wonderful insight.* *=sarcasm
ILOLatmockdaweek 0
I don't think op was asking you to explain her fml tbh...
ILOLatmockdaweek 0
36- gay a three letter word meaning a person who is attracted to someone of the same sex. girls can be gay too so gay obvs doesn't mean not interested in girls...
Symmetry88 0
Some people just feel the need to do stupid things like try to explain something they haven't been through. Kids these days.
Symmetry88 0
43 I know that but I have reason to believe that OP's bf is homosexual because he passed over Sex.... WHAT GUY DOES THAT?!
Mach10 0
Texting is a lame subform of communication. It's indirect, dispassionate, and abbreviated. This generational addiction to it is creating a population of severely socially retarded idiots with only the vaguest notion of interpersonal skills. This FML is a perfect example. Not liking dirty texts doesn't make you gay. But an over dependance on cell phones does suggest that you are incapable of dealing with direct conflict or intimacy. Put the phone down, and get out and interact with someone, quick!
DjeePee 25
Why am I stupid and offensive? If I just said 'maybe he's gay', chances are big my comment would immediately be thumbed down because some people would find it offensive. I tried to avoid that, also because he might not be gay, he might be asexual/not attracked to the OP/have had bad experiences with sex in his youth...It's stupid to think 'being gay' is the only explanation for his behaviour. Besides, I rather think you're A) stupid because you gave a wrong definition of homosexuality and reacted with a meaningless comment to the person who corrected you and B) offensive because you tell that guy can 'die in a jumpsuit'. Seriously? And yeah, this comment is way too long for the average FML user. Tüt mir leid.
JesusFishTaco 5
58-Oh yeah? Well... your shtupid. *runs away saying lalala I can't hear you*
be123 6
no being "gay" does not apply to females so actually it does mean not interested in girls...
heylesha 8
58- well it got 17 thumbs down.. so you still fail
Petunia888 13
Who said anything about forcing anyone to have sex? Yes, OP clearly hasn't perfected the art of sexting yet. That was the guy's feedback. He could be gay, although it's unlikely. So why do we need to define what "gay" means? Do you people not have Google??
Xaviour 0
your mother giving birth to you wasn't a bright idea...
mchakkiwala 0
TL;DR
Mach10 0
lol. TL:DR? Thanks for making my point. Unable to handle anything longer than a bubblegum wrapper, huh?
RetardedBullFrog 4
Hey 36, the word gay has two meanings. One is being happy and the second is being attracted to the same sex. Passing up sex does not make you gay, you probably never had a bf/gf (I didn't care to look up your gender), it makes you sound desprerate for sex. I have a girlfriend and I sometimes pass on sex when I'm not in the mood or feeling sick. Maybe OP said "I wanna do fisting" would that turn you on? of course it will because your desperate.
aleagator 10
being gay is liking the same sex. and maybe op's texts weren't sexy, just vulgar. end of story.
wowfmlaccfail 0
djpee or whatever, all you must do with ur life is comment advice to people to make urself feel important. shut the hell up with ur long messages what are you trying to gain from it
kyle_lockhart 0
thank you finally someone who knows that girls can be gay
THRASHtillDEATH 6
"LOL"
edogy 0
Djeepee, your comments are so long I don't read the whole thing.
kyle_lockhart 0
gay is being interested in the opposite sex
cre8or99 0
gay equals girls are yucky
Autocorrect 0
Your partner not wanting to get intimate does not always mean there's a problem. For example, I'm a heteroromantic, I would never want to. Doesn't mean I love my partner less.
ReynshineCutting 10
Actually in committed long term relationships (even in the first few years) sexual desire "problems" are totally normal and healthy. It doesn't mean anything's wrong, and actually means everything's right. We obviously don't know anything about their relationship (how long they've been together, etc.), so we can't say if theres's something wrong or not.
PrickHead 0
oh my god! everyone please, just SHUT THE **** UP!
Doortje 30
Honey, if you need to turn him on a day in advance to get him to want to have sex with you, you're doing something wrong.
Symmetry88 0
it's not OP's fault for trying to sext a gay guy.
ILOLatmockdaweek 0
or maybe ops sexting is just really really bad and grossed her boyfriend out.
Symmetry88 0
what would she say thy grossed him out?
Symmetry88 0
that*
cupcakegirl93 8
51 - she could have said "lets imitate two girls one cup ;) " and that is gross... and yes I know it's not two girls it be a guy and a girl in this case.
fthku 13
Symmetry, shut the **** up already.
fthku 13
OK, let's try it this way- Symmetry, be so kind as to stop writing ignorant, moronic comments.
RetardedBullFrog 4
Yo, 51, could you please stop obsessing about the OP's bf being gay? you keep on pushing your opinion to others that they clearly don't agree with. You gay brah?
mmccombs13 0
I love reading these comments cause it's the same god damn argument over and over! gay: attracted to the same sex. something's wrong with you OP, gay: attracted to the same sex...k shit I got it. enough!
sarahmcgeee 5
104; sharks rule. red wings suck just saying
kaykay20 0
Well not everyone is horny at the same time so don't see how their could be something wrong with trying to turn someone on the day before. Absolutely nothing wrong with teasing to get a person in the mood though in this case he found it to be "ew" so she probably said something he didn't find a turn on.
PeachyJinx 7
Lmao! Omg ily
redbluegreen 41
Uh... Excuse me?
HannahForbesxo 13
A sentence made up of abbreviations. That is mildly impressive.
spazmattic 0
ikr?
OrgasmicBunnies 9
Ebonics...
Mysanitywins 10
I don't get it..
Symmetry88 0
you're stupid.
adavis24 0
haha nice comments :P
Freeze_fml 17
What's wrong with him?
Symmetry88 0
G-A-Y
Xaviour 0
maybe they are both dudes
Livinia 11
Be glad you didn't accidentally send the texts to anyone else. I hope you can find someone who you won't have to try and turn on a whole day before, and someone who cares about you. (:
ReynshineCutting 10
Nowhere does it say he doesn't care about her. I fail to see any reason to break up in this situation based on what we know.
fthku 13
Un-friggin-believable. This comment would almost certainly be -521 votes if OP was a guy. That's right, -521. I don't know what OP wrote, but if he's her boyfriend he should really have phrased it differently. I know I'd hate to hear an "ew" from my fiancee if I was trying to tease herturn her onwhatever. It doesn't, however, mean he's gay. I really can't understand how people (who seriously suggest it) reach that conclusion. He turns her down one time = he's gay?